I don’t expect a response from anyone what I’m going to say and it’s fine I just want to vent. Im turn 31yrs tomorrow I recently realized I’m not happy. Let’s begin from the beginning last year i starting a weightloss journey which I’m doing pretty good, I’ve lost over 60lb (yea doesn’t sound much but you tell there’s a difference). While changing my eating becoming healthy I didn’t think about finding love or someone to begin the talk part. During the summer I went back on okcupid just to see around what there, got a response from one wanted to hookup, I’m ok with that once and while but she was fake. I started talk to another girl who lives another state for just a hookup, sweet so young but I talk to her once while. I got catfish lasted a month. Was talking to girl for hookup she disappeared(fyi she comes back in the story). Then I got on HER, hearing that there are better chances to meet someone. So I did I meet this girl…god I still get upset thinking about her. I really thought she was going become the person I saw myself being happy. But she just wanted to be friends and I’ve told her so many times I felt about her but she kept talking and not responded to my feelings. But sadly she played the whole time telling me what I wanted to hear to end as heartbreak. It’s sad I saw all the red flag but didn’t even care I wanted to her and spend time with her but it ended me getting hurt. The feeling being used and being feel like worthless from her made me feel every girl is like that so yes I have trust issues. The last time we talk was this past March I told her how I felt and how badly she hurt but she never acknowledged it. Couple weeks like I got luck to see the girl that wanted to hook up after getting to feel someone else it felt amazing. I was so nervous I felt like I ruined everything while I was doing it with but sadly that didn’t last like I wanted to keep her around to have a FWB kinda thing but nope she disappeared like she did. After her I felt a boost of confidence I was ready to get on my feet do my thing but me being horn dog I wanted more sex without the emotions I like but that’s not all I want, I do want a relationship but it seems this time no wants it. It’s my fault tho too. I’m so picky what I want like I want a hot girlfriend who ever gushing over and get jealous I’m with her how I do with people I see in relationship. I never get those type I end up with the opposite or I get played or i ghosted or I catfish. Part me thinks it karma or my dad cursed his daughter to not have a good relationship with women because how he treated them. I know I should be patient and wait but I don’t go out I’m stuck in hermit mood. After Covid and working in service I hate peoples so much that I get more overwhelmed and anxious where I just go straight home knowing how the public is. Idk sorry for anyone that read this shit I just over it with everyone