I (27 genderfluid bisexual) just broke off a 2ish-month relationship with a 22 non-binary lesbian. It’s my first lesbian relationship and first sexual lesbian experience as well.

I broke it off because they still had a lot to figure out (of course, they are 22) but to the point where they were willing to just be who I wanted them to be and not really be themselves. I’ve been there, I did that when I was their age. But I’m older now and I need someone on my level. They were also extremely clingy and emotionally intense and absurdly specific food preferences which are all tough for me because I’m a really independent exploratory traveler type who loves food and experiences. I’m best suited to someone who is always down for an adventure and going out. And in the past I’ve stayed way past the point of needing to break up just to prove to myself I was a good partner.

Anyway, when we were breaking up they were crying (fair) and at one point I started getting emotional too (because the relationship had been a really positive one for me and as much as I see all the ways we aren’t compatible that doesn’t change that the past few months have been nice being together and I’ve grown a lot and enjoyed their company a lot.) but when I did they shut my emotions down and basically said “no I need you to be the villain right now”. Also, at one point they basically said, “well I can’t force you to stay” (almost hinting that maybe they could demand that of me) and later saying “well if there’s nothing else I can do to change your mind” (almost in the same tone of waiting for my mind to be changed, which honestly feels emotionally manipulative to me.)

All that to say I feel really emotionally stunted and avoidant right now. I feel like post first lesbian break up I should be distraught and beside myself but I’m not. I’m angry for many reasons but especially because my feelings were being dismissed so readily when I’ve worked really hard in therapy to welcome my emotions and care for my system. I’m staring at my phone 24/7 distracting myself from my feelings (I struggle with dissociation from ptsd) which I guess is it’s own grieving. I just feel out of place and frustrated I can’t just look back on the good without guilt.

I’m not sure what input I’m looking for except just someone who might get how I’m feeling and how they got through it.