When I was born, they told me I was a boy. I obviously disagree with that assessment, but at the time I went along with it because I didn't really know I could contest the idea. I did feel something wasn't right from a young age, but I heavily repressed it due to the fact that the environment I grew up in absolutely was not safe for me to express what I actually did feel about my gender.

I repressed it for quite a while: it wasn't until my 30s that I actually came out and transitioned, when I accepted that those feelings were never going away. But this is just to give some background because the story I want to tell isn't about my transness, it's about the way I see and feel about women and femininity, which I feel sets me apart and alienates me from most other people more than anything else.

I see compassion, empathy, and caring for others as the most valuable possible traits any human can exhibit. While of course there are men who do exhibit them, in our culture these traits tend to get predominantly "female-coded". I constantly feel amazed and inspired by women, and frankly quite enchanted at times as well.

I'm also well aware that an undercurrent of misogyny is incredibly pervasive in this so-called society. Hate is pretty effective as a tactic for power and control, and that's what it's really all about. It's always about control. And it's so pervasive that it has a way of seeping into people's subconscious to the point that even most women have internalized misogynistic feeling and thought patterns to some degree. That is heartbreaking for me to witness.

But because those feelings are so pervasive, it makes it hard for me to truly connect with others because I seem to have such a different perspective than, well, almost everyone it seems. In my romantic life I've struggled because the love I so want to give to another cannot be truly accepted by someone who does not love herself. And because that seems to be so much the norm, a state of absolute love actually ends up being a rather lonely place to be.

I've finally reached this amazing place where I feel I love myself so much but... it feels like nobody wants to join me here because they're so busy hating themselves - or trying to deflect that hate onto others. But the trap is that the heart doesn't know who the hate is supposed to be reserved "for". It only knows it feels hate. I have no romantic interest in men but I also do not hate them because I do not wish to hold hatred in my heart whatsoever. Hate cannot be extinguished by hating the haters any more than a fire can be put out by adding more fire to it. The way to put out a fire is to stop feeding it (counter with water or otherwise cut off its supply of oxygen).

Femininity is a magical, beautiful, lovable thing and I adore all forms of feminine expression! 💜