i don’t have any romantic or sexual interest in men but have loadddsss of SA trauma that cause what i can only describe as a “need” to be used by men specifically because i don’t like it. it’s more like a way to hurt myself if anything. i openly call myself a lesbian but i still sleep with men just because.. i do. i always feel disgusting after. i don’t like them. it’s like a compulsion.

i’ve dated women before and the feeling is different, it’s very consuming for me and lovey dovey and intense and connective and kind of scary. in fact i try to avoid getting with girls because i get so nervous around them 😭 anyway

my friends are starting to notice this and it’s kind of embarrassing. idk how to explain that my “attraction” towards men is just the result of trauma or if im even valid really.