I shouldn't miss her, I shouldn't still have love for her. but everytime I sleep, memories replay.

I remember her crying when I would have to take the bus home and leave. I remember us cooking together and me holding her and kissing her every chance I could in-between. I remember helping her move from a three story apartment, carrying heavy shit and dying. I remember when she brushed my hair. I remember when she looked at me with love in her eyes.

how could that be the same woman who watched me breakdown for days everywhere online while she never replied? while she just went clubbing with her friend? my mind still doesn't understand it. and I probably never will. I loved her completely and I have let that love go but memories haunt me in my dreams.