I am 17 and in high school. I was picked on in the last grade of mid school by a boy after I cutted my hair lol.

In the 1st grade in hs (literally got into the worst class that I could get into) I was extremely picked on becouse... yes? At second semester I changed schools and it stopped temporarily. Now I got finally into accepting class (tho honsetly wth is there to accept?) but... A week ago I was laughed at AGAIN - on a school trip by some boys from other class from my school, it was excactly like in previous hs, I heard my name shouted (fvck I don't even know how they look like and I know literally nobody of them), they said even weider things that I heard while being far from them e.g. vulgarly sayed that they want to fight me (I never even looked at them but lol I am waiting) and shit then I started to feel these awful feeling in my stomach again.

The thing is that I'm scared that it started my social anxiety a long time ago and I don't want it to continue. If I am only comfy being masc do I need to fcking transition to look like a cis man as a person who feels like a girl just to not being laughed at? I mean I like those features but would any woman fall in love with me while thinking that I am a woman not a man? no. And I am interested only in lesbian relationships.

btw Somehow maybe I undestrand that thing in hs since I didn't had any strong friends circle back then but when it comes to now, I have like 7 good friends from class etc., I was around them that time, yet still picked on. I look normal, not even colorful hair, not unacttractive. My face looks like a boys face but the rest of my body is a mix of both genders😭 They don't even heard me talking lol. I know that sounds not that bad but I really felt mad and sad when I was the only person picked on by some randoms when I was around other visibly gay people who dressed even more alternative and looked weaker than me at the moment (yk bodylanguage, body build... I am overconsious becouse of past trauma💀💀) yet they were "not visible" for these mfs to laugh at. Bro how it works like? Maybe somehow subconsiously I am attracting those incidents becouse of bad thoughts coused by my past experiences? Or might them be jealous? If they are really laughing at me becouse of how I look and that I dress not accurate to social standarts I won't change my style. I am only comfortable looking masculine