LOTS OF NSFW HERE: viewer discretion is advised :)

I am not “out” yet and i probably may never come out ( i might but im terrified enough to never atm lol).

anyways, i lowkey have a porn addiction and i have the amazing ability to get off due to friction (idk how it works)? basically i can squeeze my legs just right and it feels really really good. I don’t know if that’s what everyone else sees/feels as an orgasm, and i’d love to explore other orgasms 😉, but that’s just how i’ve been able to get off so far. anyways, through my porn addiction, i started off with guys, then i started to tune into the idea of women being pleasured, then into oral, then into wlw scenes. through this i figured that I love oral, idk about receiving, but ik that I LOVE TO GIVE HEAD😍. idk it’s just so hot and yummy and that’s way too nsfw im sorry but that’s it. anyway, me being in the closet, i knew i wanted to go down in someone but it needed to be someone i wouldn’t have to “explain myself” to. naturally, i met a girl through a dating app, and we hit it off over a little while. we sext back and forth a lot, then i make the hour drive through tons of traffic to her house to hook up (mutual agreement to not like… actually date iykwim). I get to her house and she takes me to her basement gym area… and we start to make out. she pretty much sticks her tongue in my mouth and teeth clash and ugh it wasn’t great, but i was horny lol so i just moved on. oh btw, this was my first time with EVERYTHING and i communicated this of course, it was NOT her first time (we were also safe btw and had already had the important conversations).

Eventually i go down on her and she said she would tell me what to do (prior agreement because i was very new) but she didn’t really. so ofc i used the little knowledge i had and loved it in the moment. she sat on my face which was honestly great, i could’ve been there forever. then she abruptly got up (off my face mind you) and said she had finished. again, i’ve never had an orgasm other than the friction ones, and even then I ‘buck’ and squirm a little, but she seemed to have enjoyed and i was glad she had fun.

At this point she asks to cuddle and doesn’t seem to want to do anything else, i don’t push obviously because im a decent human being, but i did feel left out and frustrated as i hadn’t even been touched (except a little boob play). about a minute into cuddling she kind of gets up and starts trying to leave, i get the hint so i pack up my stuff and leave the basement. as soon as i get up, i feel waves and waves of just regret. I feel really gross and politely ask to use her bathroom where i start scrubbing her juices off my face and her pubes out of my mouth (didn’t expect that btw). i literally use soap in my mouth cause i feel like i have to. i get in my car to leave and before i pull out of the drive way i pull out my phone to text her, only to find that she literally blocked me.

i’m now left very confused, she indicated that she like everything and asked to meet again as i walked out the door but she blocked me?

it took me a couple weeks to get back into the idea of oral tbh but anyway, it is what it is i guess.

Btw: i’ve grown as a person lol but this was my first experience 😅 therefore: I still love going down on women🥵

also love you all😚😚😚💕💕💕