I’m constantly flip flopping between “it’s okay to want romantic affection and intimacy” and “I wish the part of my brain that craves being desired in a romantic way would die” and honestly? Super hard out here!

I know where these feelings stem from; it’s because I’ve never been in a romantic relationship of any kind in my life. And, yes, I’m still young (24), but with everything going on and it feels like the world is crumbling before my very eyes, I think it’s natural to want those experiences sooner rather than later.

But at the same time, I hate how this feeling is all-consuming, like it takes up so much of my thoughts and leaves me feeling bitter and lonelier than ever. Even when I go to lesbian bars and other events, nothing’s happening there. Everything feels too cliquey and it’s hard inserting yourself into a space where there’s an established dynamic. I can’t help but feel like an outlier.

Idk where I’m going with this, I think I just wanted to get it off my chest. If you’re feeling a similar way, know that it’s completely natural and not something to be ashamed of. I’m not sure if it’ll get better, but I’m choosing to believe it will.

Thanks for reading my mini rant.