I considered going to relationship advice subreddits, but I think I need to hear from my fellow lesbians. To give a bit of background. I was talking with this really sweet girl for a couple of weeks. it was like we instantly clicked. We always matched each other‘s energy. I would always look forward to spending late nights playing games with her. I’m autistic, I have a hard time connecting with others so this was a great feeling. It took us a while to meet in person but we eventually met up for a date! It was really fun and we hooked up that night as well. After this, she told me she liked me (and obvs i said I liked her back) I was so overjoyed. We even started planning our second date. I really thought I met my match. When the date ended, we went back to our usual dynamic of us talking a lot/gaming together but still weren’t officially dating. Like five days after the date, out of nowhere she sent me this long text message about how she thought it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to date. I was devastated. I’m trying not to go on a “woe is me” rant. I understand I’m not entitled to be in a relationship with this girl, but I can’t help but feel it upset. there was no indication that she was hesitant. I’m not great at putting my thoughts into words but the things she said and did led me to believe that she wanted a relationship with me. I don’t want to go into detail about why she didn’t want to be together. I don’t need to air out her business on Reddit lol I was really desperate to be in her life in someway so I tried “just being friends”with her but I ended up growing really resentful towards her and I decided to cut things off.

It’s been a little over a month since I last spoke to her and I still can’t get her off my mind, it’s literally constant. I don’t know what to do I tried dating apps so I can meet some new people, but I have zero interest in anybody that’s not her. I wanted to be with her so badly. I’m constantly replaying the time we spent together in my mind wondering if I said or did something to upset her. This whole situation has really affected my self-esteem as well. I keep thinking maybe if I was pretty or thinner then maybe she would like me.

I know I need to move on, but I feel stuck. I’m 20 years old and I don’t have much relationship experience. This isn’t my first time being rejected, but I thought she was my person. I need any advice. Thank you for reading this.