I’m going insane I swear. My best friend of 7 years has been my person since day one she’s been there for everything and vice versa. I told her I was gay like five years ago and she told me she was bi like two years ago. Anyways, we’ve always been platonic friends like never in a million years have I ever thought about her in a different way other than friends in our friendship except a few weeks ago. Idk what happened but we got high together on the za and we were looking at the stars in her backyard together (like we’ve done 4739582 times before PLATONICALLY) and I just looked at her and admired her beauty. She was smiling at the stars and all I could think about was how perfect she looked. And then two seconds later I snapped the fuck outta it and realized what I was thinking. But I haven’t snapped out of it!!!!!!! She got a boyfriend like two months ago and ever since a few weeks ago I never thought about being jealous or anything. But now whenever she brings up his name, suddenly I’m looking for five things I can see (if ykyk) we’ve always been very affectionate physically like we link arms/hold hands whenever we go out together or when we’re sleeping we cuddle but now I just feel wrong for doing those things with her now like holding her hand or cuddling because to her it’s nothing but to me now my stomach is in a rollercoaster. I know I’m being stupid and it’s probably some fucked up form of self sabotage and my brain is praying a silly little prank on me but I would really love to go back to the days where I could hold my best friends hand and not imagine us doing more. I just gotta find a situationship or something to distract me from this idiotic nonsense. I’ll never tell her about this because I know it’s some weird phase but like can it wrap up!!!!! I love her so so so much but platonically it isn’t supposed to be romantic 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭