So my girlfriend And I have a great sex life. We have a great relationship and i have 100% trust in her. But, we can’t see eye to eye on one crucial topic that I can’t match her. She has this fantasy of having a threesome because we are both still pretty young and i’m only her second person she’s been with. We are both 20 and 21. For a while i told her i was uncomfortable of the idea of someone else touching her, being inside of her, or just having the privilege that I have of making her feel good. She always says that in her mind, she wouldn’t want it unless i was there. She tells me to try to imagine that instead of the other person having power, that I have the power because I give her and the other person consent and my permission to let sexual things happen.

We have this close guy friend that we both really like as a friend, but she started hinting to me that she was thinking about having him be the third because we are both comfortable w him and he doesn’t sexual out lesbian relationship at all. Yesterday night, we were all hanging out on the couch and she asked me what the first step was to make me feel comfortable, so i told her she could put her feet on his lap ( we were all laying on the same couch). I gave her permission, but I was hesitant because all i could think was another person is touching my girl. But, I was able to calm down and remind myself that if I had asked her to stop that she would respect it and not cross my boundaries. Some time has passed and I had asked her to come closer to my side to which she removed her legs and asked if I was alright. I said yeah i’m okay, i’m just showing myself that I have the power and that I am the one giving permission. Later on i told her she could put her feet back on him. To which she told me that he had grabbed her foot under the blanket earlier and was rubbing it.

I couldn’t continue after that. My stomach dropped, i couldn’t look directly at her for fear of showing how uncomfortable i was. My eyes started filling up with pain tears and excused my self to the bathroom, which eventually turned to everyone going to sleep. We went to our bedroom and he went to sleep in our guest bedroom.

We talked for an hour while i was expressing that something that simple had me feel some type of way. I was apologizing because I knew she was putting in a brave face to not upset me, but i just couldn’t help feel selfish and so disappointed in myself that i couldn’t just understand why. Why couldn’t i just stuff those feelings down inside and make her happy? and the biggest stressor is that I’m afraid one day she’ll tell me that i just am not enough and she needs more. She told me she couldn’t promise that forever. But, for now she understood and wouldn’t bring it up. However, she said she couldn’t help herself from thinking about it.

I really need help, advice, nothing you can offer me. Everything about our relationship is perfect, but in this scenario, one of us gets what we want and the other gets nothing. and so far i’ve been “winning” but it’s not even want i want