Happy New Year to everyone :)

I finally got some honesty from my "partner" last night. After close to six years together, starting all over again from scratch.

Five plus years without any intimacy. Never remembered for even a birthday. Always the cook, breadwinner, housekeeper, and supporting shoulder. I tried every way I could think to make it work, but kept coming back as soon as she got lonely or needed me, because I believed in the love.

Last night she finally told me point blank that she doesn't like women and enjoys the "power" she feels from dating men. That there is a "wall" between us when it comes to intimacy and she doesn't know if that will ever change.

After another night pouring tears for hours, asking her to talk to me, at least I have an answer. She still wants to keep my heart tethered here, so she doesn't need to he alone. She insists she still loves me. But I can't spend another year feeling like an emotional proxy for what a man won't provide.

For once, I feel nothing. Not even anger. Our time has taken a toll and my self-esteem lies in tattered shreds. I look in the mirror and wonder who would want me. I know I'm a bit of an outlier in an already small and difficult dating pool, especially at my age.

I've thought about changing how I look. But I like me. I think me is pretty cool. My heart just needs a little time to heal.

I have to believe that connection is still out there. I don't imagine myself special or unique in feeling alone and wanting love and a woman to build a life with. I'm sure I'm someone's cup of tea.

Lots of love and hope to you all for the new year. Thank you for being part of this community. Without my friends locally and online, I'd be lost.

So here's to good energy and a new life for 2024 ❤️