I’ll actually feel so bad if she sees this, but I need some advice, and didn’t really have any friends I could ask. So, I met a girl on here some months back (I’m 23, she’s 28 if it matters) and I did like her, she was cool, but the conversation faded. A few days ago (maybe a week or so?) I checked in with her (I figured why not, because things can’t progress if you don’t put in effort, right?) Things were fine, but she did talk about the potential relationship pretty quickly. It took me a few days to answer that (I admit responding to every message but that one was shitty, but I didn’t know how I felt yet) I did eventually say that if we got close enough, I would like that too. I can’t really see any flaws with things aside from the fact that she sends a lot of anime pictures, even if I send something more intimate (I like anime don’t get me wrong, I’m just not exactly sure how I’m meant to respond to the images/keep a conversation with it, and when it comes to intimacy, I guess I want a little more attention than that?) Anyway, that was my only “issue” (not really an issue) up until last night where she asked how I felt about polyamory. I said I might be willing to try it, but that I don’t know if it would be something I wanted long term. (Even though I’ve been in a poly relationship before, I just don’t see it as something I’d do forever, because my previous polycule was stressful and I realized I need more attention then could be given.) She said she has no problem with it just being the two of us, but has interest in 3-4 people being in a relationship all together long term. (Specific wording was all loving each other.) I thought that was the end of it.

She told me good morning today, I said good morning back, and when I checked our DMs again she’d said “if we do date let’s just have it be the two of us, unless we meet someone that we both love, sound good?” (There was more but that’s the general message.) To put it simply, no. No, it does not sound good, and since I thought we agreed, it made me a little uncomfortable, because there should never be “okay so no, UNLESS xyz happens” with things like this. Or maybe I’m crazy. Anyway, at this point I just felt we weren’t compatible. But removing her as a friend/ghosting her doesn’t seem fair. And while I was writing this post, I got another message from her that said she would be moving out of her roommate’s place and that we would be available to move in together if we wanted to within a few months to a year, and while that’s not bad it just feels too early to even be thinking that far ahead? How do I tell her I don’t think it’ll work out without being harsh? I’ve never had to do this before, usually I’M the one getting rejected, so this is entirely new territory, and I don’t wanna hurt her.