I'm not sure if it could be a trigger, but just in case TW: heartbreak.

It's been about three months since my ex and I broke up. I've been doing alright for the most part, except today I opened an app we used to use, and I saw that she no longer has me in there. Makes me feel very replaceable, if I'm being honest. I'm starting to hate the fact that I haven't stopped loving her.

I miss her so much. I've been working on some projects, and I miss showing them to her and her being so proud. Halloween is almost here. It was her favorite season. My DnD group and I will dress up as our characters, I know she would have been so excited. I wish I could tell her about my plans.

I wish I could hear her voice again. I wish I could hear all about her day and everything she has to say and show. I miss listening to her rambles. I miss the way she would get excited about things.

I've been leaning on my friends, but they don't bring the same energy that she used to.

Often, I wake up wishing I'm 60, and these feelings are long gone. Sometimes, I get the urge to literally rip my heart out, just so I can stop loving her.

Everyone keeps telling me that now I can do whatever I want, but the truth is that I was never forbidden from doing anything I wanted to. I was always free.

I feel so weak. Seems like everyone moves on quickly, and I'm stuck here trying not to miss and love someone who made the choice to leave.

I've decided not to date again. My walls are quite impenetrable that it's not fair to lead anyone on. Or being with them while I miss someone else. It's not fair for me either.

I really miss her. I wish I could tell her one last time how much I love her.