My ex and I were a classic avoidant-anxious dynamic (respectfully). I was so enmeshed to them that I stopped being myself….but now that it’s over, I realize that we were both just people pleasing to try to be nice to each other. But we are so drastically different people. We don’t have any interests in common, no hobbies to share. I think the only things holding us together were an initial physical attraction, both being new to wlw relationships, wanting to learn and try at sex, wanting to see if we could be in a wlw relationship, and me feeling so guilty about asserting myself at all that I just caved to them about everything.

It feels really sad realizing that there wasn’t anything holding us together. Like if I had been myself and been adamant about what I like and what I want to do, we would have come to an impasse very early on.

It’s hard to accept that I wasn’t myself in that relationship. It’s kinda hard to look back fondly at the fun memories we had, knowing I was just a shell of myself with them.

It’s been a month and I don’t feel up to get back out there at all. This is the first relationship that’s really fucked me up. I used to hop back on the apps immediately but I just don’t have the energy to let new people in yet. I’m really processing my codependency and working through it. But I’m also just exhausted.