Tw: Abuse

Okay for background, i have dated a lot of people and most of those have ended up hitting, screaming and throwing cans and jars at me and stuff and on top of that made my body confidence and emotional confidence sink to nothing so i have already not been in an amazing spot and due to that i have trouble trusting people or relationships and i have an especially hard time if i get ghosted. Cool, background done

So I’ve been trying to look around for someone i can call my girlfriend and i want to move slow because im still healing a bit and even though i dont think im ready for anything hot and heavy, i definitely think im ready for a nice easy slow burn, i had been texting this one girl and everything was going great, we talked a lot and called and then everything just kinda stopped and they fell off the map and if im being honest it really hurt and it kind of destroyed a little bit of what i had built up in the way of confidence, because while i have no problem finding flings, i have immense trouble finding people who want me for me and want me past my body and it feels like lately thats what most people want unfortunately:(

Now i just feel so awful half the time i start talking to someone because everything has with relationships has been fucky and now i cant trust myself to make good decisions in terms of who i love and i feel so scared that someone i trust is gonna hurt me again or just up and leave or stop talking and to me and i feel so sad over it :(