Title sounds like “wow that’s so hot” but no.

Let me start by saying she always has her hands in her pants and it disgust me. I’m not talking about surface over undies, no she’s deep inside her coochie lips whole hand in throughout the day. Then the part that makes me cringe is she always has to take a big whiff or literally rub her face with her hand and the no hand washing after. I love the smell of pussy but i hate seeing men having their hands in their pants why would it be any different for a woman.

Now it upsets me even more because i strongly suspect she masturbates next to me while i’m sleeping or during times i’m out of the room. It’s really weird and gross and makes me extremely uncomfortable. First i didn’t consent to this. Leave the room if you want to so badly. I have expressed she can wake me up for sex. i’m a very sexual person so it bothers and shocks me she does this. It could be something hot but she makes it fucking weird. It also has been making me feel insufficient for her sexually.

I would wake up randomly in the night hearing her rubbing herself. I would wake up sometimes and feel the bed rocking slightly. I’ve walked in on her after i briefly go to the bathroom with her legs spread under a blanket and rapidly closing and pulling her hands out as i walk in. i’ve felt her put her hand in her pants as she was against me thinking i didn’t know what was going on as i sleep. I would see her hands in her pants as she’s casually laying down and slightly start twitching, how am i not suppose to suspect something.

i have sexual trauma and anything sexual outside of a sexual context makes me want to crawl outside of myself so this has been a horrible experience for me.

I’ve called her out on it and she has denied and denied everything but i know what i’m feeling and seeing. She says she would never do something that would trigger so badly but since i’ve spoken to her i still feel like an uneasiness. She still remains putting her hands in her pants and just today i went to the bathroom for no more than 5min and it seemed like i walked in on something i wasn’t suppose to with her rapidly closing her legs and acting weird.

Idk what to do anymore ? what if i’m actually wrong ? even when i called her out she didn’t seem so appalled by the situation as i thought she would be. If someone called me out in something so weird i would make sure they know i’m telling the truth esp if it is some kind of trigger.

She denies it all the time and completely but it now triggers my anxiety to see her have her hands down her pants. this whole situation has been keeping me awake at night , feeling like i have to remain alert and it’s so exhausting. It’s all so gross and stupid. Idk if i’m venting or looking for advice but any kind of understanding would help.

EDIT: I just wanna thank everyone for their responses, it’s lot to think about and a lot to consider mentally but i would like to clarify some things. We have great sex together , sex is not the issue. I also don’t have an issue with her masturbating , i do it too . just don’t do it around me while i’m asleep and around me when i’m awake and you’re doing it while i have no idea what’s even happening.

i knew reddit was gunna go straight to “break up” but autism is a new one lol. I know what stimming would be with the little hairs in the pubic area . her hands stray from the pubic area often which is where the questioning comes in. ALSO i do not find HER disgusting i find the actions she’s doing gross and it’s turning me off.

if it occurs again i will try to find a more patient kinder approach but my patience is waring thin and im just waiting to call her out as it’s happening so maybe the embarrassment of it will maybe have her stop. I fully believe she thinks she’s being sneaky and that im oblivious.

gracias todo 🌈