My girlfriend (24, let's call her Alice for this post) and I(26) have been together for around 11 months, and have been friends for 5 years before that. Yes, I know 11 months is not a long time, especially to know if someone is "the one", but hey, I'm a lesbian, please roll with it.

Anyway. I had a crush on her for years, we weren't super close friends initially because of our different interests, Alice is a rather tech-y and reserved person and loves gaming and I am a very book-ish person and while I am not very social, I am very amicable and can make friends rather easily, love romantic stuff, etc etc.

We have had issues in our relationship mostly because we have so varied interests and we often run out of things to do. But slowly as time passed, I realised Alice DOES NOT talk about anything that's bothering her. She just withdraws herself and while she tells me not to worry, I don't see how can I not. And it's not one or two specific issue, it's her only/first reaction to pretty much everything negative. I have tried talking to her and she says it's just a habit and she doesn't want to or can't talk about it. Why can't she? Because it's her coping mechanism. I completely understand, but it's also really hard to be with a person and support her when I have absolutely zero idea about what's going on.

When Alice withdraws, she barely texts. After those days are over, she often apologizes and texts me a lot. Initially they felt great but now I feel like she's trying to overcompensate, and it really doesn't feel good. And she always says she is trying to be better, but it always happens. I have gotten quite detached too, I wouldn't like. It feels awful to open up and be vulnerable to someone who doesn't tell me anything about what's going on. But I get attached whenever she does this whole text bombing, saying she loves me and things are always good for a while until something happens, and something bad always happens because her family is awful and while I empathise with her so so much, nobody deserves shitty families, she withdraws again and the cycle starts again.

I am tired of feeling like I am making castles in the air. I have been feeling like I am dating a stranger. Recently I have found myself npty wanting to communicate as much or text to her as much, I am always replying to her and I am always polite, but I feel like the happiness I had inside me has faded away. I text her the way she texts me.

We had a talk about it today. She asked me why I don't talk to her anymore and when I told her the things stated above, she said I am punishing her for being ill. By which I am assuming she means her withdrawing coping mechanism, because I am not aware of any other illnesses. I have suggested therapy and she has refused in the past because she can't afford to pay for it. I have always offered to help with the fees and even said I will offer the money as a loan with an indefinite return period because she is uncomfortable taking help. No use. She says it's hurtful I do not talk about big things that are going on in my life because she doesn't do that. And I mean yes, maybe it's hurtful. And it's true I have a lot going on. And at this point I just do not have it in me to talk to her and just wait indefinitely feeling like maybe this time around she will open up to me and treat me like an equal instead of...idk, anything else.

I have zero negative feelings for her. I think I have no feelings for her at this point, which is a terrifying thought. I had a crush on her for much longer before we eventually started dating, and I am afraid that in that time I have made her to become someone I wanted to be with inside my head instead of who she is. And while I know all of this sounds like we should part ways, that sounds like an awful reality. I have spent years being in love with her. I don't understand a time where I am not in love with her, even though I don't feel anything at this point. Honestly, I don't know if I don't feel anything towards her, or if I do not feel anything at all as a person because sometimes I disassociate in high stress situations like this and the last couple of months have been extremely rough for me, for reasons both related and unrelated to Alice.

I really do not know what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Also please use she/her pronouns for her, and they/them for me.