My Dear, Handsome Premier,

We have fought alongside each other during the long and destructive Cuban War of Independence. I remember it well, my friend. As you stood on the battlements, and I, clad in the latest Dolce & Gabbana designer military uniform (pink, with tassels and a high-cut waistline with floral trim) astride our proud tank Bouncin' Betty, our blades penetrated the Orionite imperialists with ease.

New Leningrad, a proud, bombastic nation of idealists with a rich and long history, may do well to stand alongside The Principality of Loveshack. A tiny yet flamboyantly vocal nation who, although we may not share the same political ideas, are bound by common foes and friends, and would certainly benefit from a longlasting alliance.

As such, we would like to formally request the initiation of talks to establish diplomatic relations, with the goals of cementing a military, cultural and economic alliance to protect and ensure both our interests.

Let's start with embassies! We will prepare a plot on one of the Great Trees of our Royal Palace, for a Leningradian Embassy in your renowned brutalist style. We also request a plot in Leningrad, for an embassy of our own. We will commence the purchase of several thousand litres of your national beverage Leninaid, to sell to our lovely customers in our local Gay Bar.

And perhaps, as a symbol of good faith, we can send a battalion of our most beautiful soldiers to parade through your nation (with our bright pink tank Bouncin' Betty at the fore, of course!)

Your friend, as always, with lots of love and kisses,

Prince Toastedspikes I of the Principality of Loveshack, Everlastingly Lubricated, Flamboyantly Flamingly Fabulous, Chief Pouf, Head of the Fantastic Fairy Forces of the Royal Loveshackian Army, et cetera et cetera

PS: I found your undies under my four-poster bed. You know, the red one with the clenched fists on it I liked so much.