I've been making Music since I was a kid, mostly in the computer in the piano roll without any physical instrument. I started as a lot of people do, placing notes on the screen and hitting play to hear if it sounded good. After some time of experimenting this way I made some mistakes in my creative developement, I sarted to watch tutorials on how to make specific types of music and also decided to learn a bit of theory, and by that I mean that I started making all my song in the minor scale and only with chords that belonged to it, in other words I killed all my creativity for the sake of trying to mimic other music.

At some point I realized this and started to think more outside of the box but stopped making songs and I was only making 1 minute ideas, but always with the same trial and error method. Then I got into jazz piano lessons, where I learned more theory, and which I really enjoyed but stopped going after 6 months because I moved out to study.

I had been thinking lately about my history with music and realized how unhappy I am with my way of making music, because even if I think that experimentation plays a really big role in music writing, most of what I write should come directly out of my head in my opinion, otherwise you're just judging what you hear and not really being creative.

Recently I realized that I can actually imagine my own music in my head so I decided to finally buy a keyboard after 3 years of losing almost every contact with making music.

My goal is to master the instrument, be able to translate what I imagine (not only piano melodies but also the other instruments and rhythms), to be able to improvise on the piano and learn to read and write music on paper.

I have mixed feelings about learning music theory because I'd like to create different music for myself without being limited by rules, because even if the goal is no really to set rules on the composition I think it can subconciously mess with the creativity but I'm completely open to hear opinions on that because I'm not an expert on the topic, but I'd like to say that I've been thinking about this topic for quite some time and here was even a time in which I defended music theory as a tool to accomplish what you want to write faster, but this was before realizing that it was posible for me to imagine music.

TL;DR: I want to be able to write down my own musical ideas, I want to master the Piano/Keyboard and learn to improvise, I want to learn how to read music, and I'm not sure about music theory because I want to make different music and I want it to come out of my head, but I'm not completely foreing to music theory.