My wife and I recently had pneumonia, so we had lots of time lying around in bed coughing. We’d watched the show before but this time we binged it from beginning to end in a very short period. It’s tragic that this show didn’t see the ratings and viewership it deserved. It’s absurd, it’s funny, and it’s also a touching and emotional. By the end of it, each character is wonderfully developed and feel like full and complete people. That’s why I felt the need to try and give it a better ending than it got.

Note that I have no idea how to write in screenplay form, so this is just a mash of camera directions, dialogue, and prose. Also, whenever I refer to “we”, I mean the audience.

All of this begins right after Mike leaves to go exploring but before the end scene where the bunker people show up.

At about 19:00 minutes in, Tandy watches Mike drive away. We hear the somber piano melody fitting for Tandy’s sadness at seeing his brother drive away yet again. The camera pans up into a birds eye view of the orange grove we see the train car and the borders of the grove as the camera levels out with the horizon.

The words 40-ish years later fade onto the screen as the camera lowers from the horizon point back on to a straight ahead shot of the grove. Now, there’s a large archway at the entrance of the grove with an overly bedazzled sign that reads “Tandyland”. We see chickens, goats, and other small barn animals roaming in between the trees, we also hear the sounds of birds chirping and fluttering between the trees as the show’s signature piano melody plays. While we do see the animals, we don’t see any people. The camera floats through the entrance of Tandyland towards the train car we saw earlier. The train car has the words “Welcome Center” painted in huge letters a and a large map near the entrance. The map shows that there are now several buildings interspersed among the orange and avocado trees. They’re labeled and we read them: NASA II, Klosterman’s Clinic and Winery, and Shawshank Orphanage. Also, in the far corner, it’s easy to miss, but you can see a small building labeled “Jasper’s Hobbit Hole”.

The camera glides past the map and we continue to see trees and small animals, signaling that the animal and plant life is thriving, but we still don’t see any people. The familiar melody plays as we approach one of the buildings. In front of the first building we see a makeshift paper mâché statue of and elder Mike Miller. It’s clear that Carol made it. The camera pans down to the base of the statue and we see a plaque-like poster board that reads “Mike Miller, spaceman, explorer, and founder of NASA II” with the words “NASA II” written in an 80’s movie style typeface (think Die Hard II or Rocky II). The camera passes through the open doors of NASA II. On the first wall we see a colored pencil portrait made in the Pilbasian style. The name under the portrait reads “Headmaster Bezequil Miller”, the woman in the portrait strongly resembles her mother Carol, but also has an intelligent air about her, suggesting to us that she takes strongly after her Uncle Mike. The camera continues to glide down the halls of NASA II and we cut from one room to the next. In the first room we see equipment similar to Mike’s old satellite truck with screens that have red blobs on them. We cut to another room with chemistry and other scientific equipment, the next room is clearly a classroom with a toilet sitting on a large desk and other plumbing and electrical equipment, we understand that basic plumbing and electrical engineering is being taught here. The next classroom we see has complicated equations on the chalkboard and we get the sense that astrophysics and other advanced sciences are being taught here. We still don’t see any people in this building but every room gives the strong sense that there may have been people in it even moments ago. The tables have open notebooks on them and the chairs are haphazardly pulled out. We get the sense that this space is occupied, but we haven’t seen anyone yet.

With the show’s signature piano melody still playing, the camera cuts to the outside of a building with a sign that reads “Klosterman’s Clinic and Winery”, we can see that to the right of the building spans a network of winery grapevines. The camera floats into the building and just like NASA II, we get the sense that people were just here, yet we don’t see anyone. Similar to the shots of the NASA II building we see a variety of rooms that resemble a small doctor’s office. There’s even a small newborn nursery like in a hospital. In each of these medical rooms the walls are stacked with wine casks and cases of wine. We also see that there’s a bar and gathering area within the building too. Behind the reception desk we see a Pilbasian portrait of an elder Gail in a doctor’s lab coat holding a glass of wine next to another young woman in a doctor’s lab coat also holding a glass of wine, we’re meant to infer that the younger woman is Dawn.

After giving us a sense of Klosterman’s Clinic the camera floats to another building. We see that it’s the house Tandy saw that inspired him to want to stay. There’s been some sturdy but makeshift additions. The house is now enclosed by a small wooden fence and we can see that space is allocated in the yard for a makeshift swing set, sandbox, and other makeshift playground equipment. The large sign above the entrance to the house reads “Shawshank Orphanage”. Just like the previous two buildings, we can tell that this building was recently occupied but we don’t see any people. The camera passes another Pilbasian portrait, this one shows and elder Todd standing in front of the house with his signature ear-to-ear smile surrounded by a dozen smiling children. The camera takes us on a tour of the house and we see a large orphanage style bedroom with a dozen children’s beds. Some of the beds are made but some look as if they’ve been recently slept in. The room is strewn with children’s books and toys. We can tell this is a very positive and happy place for kids.

The camera now glides up a hill and passes through the gate of what is clearly a cemetery. The camera pans slowly and we start to see some of the graves. The first marker has a Pilbasian portrait of Mike in a space suit, holding a machete as he cuts through the dense South American jungle, next we see the portrait of Gail made by Cannibal Carl, we can also tell this is Gail’s grave because the marker is adorned with broken pieces of red wine bottles, the next grave we see is covered in several different children’s drawings of a large smiling man which we presume is Todd. The camera then stops at a fresh grave with no marker. At this point the music is heavy and melancholy. Note that, at this point, we still haven’t seen any people.

The camera is low to the ground, focusing on the fresh grave when it pivot 180 degrees and the first thing we see is Tandy’s ball friends all lined up. The camera hovers, still low to the ground as we take in the sight of the ball family and realize whose grave this probably is. The music picks up into a light crescendo as suddenly the front wheels of a wheel chair come into view behind the lined up ball family. The camera slowly pans up and we see an elderly Melissa sitting in the wheelchair. Pushing her we see a bearded, adult Jasper wearing Christian Bale’s Batman costume from The Dark Knight. The camera pans and we see an older Erika flanked by Dawn, who has Gail’s accordian around her neck, and next to her is whom we presume to be Todd and Erika’s son. We can tell because he looks exactly, and I mean exactly like Todd, complete with mustache and balding in the exact same way, but with a darker complexion like his mother. The camera pans back down to the ground focusing one of the balls. This time we see the legs of an overly bedazzled walker approach the group and the camera pans up to reveal and elderly Carol and her three children. We can tell which one is Bezequil from the portrait we saw at NASA II but this is the first time we Mike and their younger brother whom they named Tucson. We saw earlier that Bezequil takes largely after her mother with a hint of Uncle Mike, but it’s obvious that Mike is her father’s daughter, the right half of Mike’s hair and eybrows are shaven. (I insist that Mike be played by SNL’s Sarah Sherman). We can now see the full group lined up together, the shots of each of them are close and tight.

Bezequil and Mike kiss their mother and walk towards the fresh grave. With the grave fully in view we can see that there’s an easel next to it, Bezequil walks to the easel and starts stacking large sheets of posterboard on it, we can’t see what’s on them yet. On the other side of the grave we see Mike, getting ready to give the eulogy.

Her pattern of speech and cadence is completely identical to Tandy’s. (I’m not a comedy writer and I’m not going to try, but imagine that the speech opens with signature, Tandy-like awkward and self-aggrandizing jokes where the phrase “burn” gets used. The jokes serve to solidify our suspicions that Mike is just Tandy 2.0)

“We are gathered here today to talk about the life of my father, Tandy Miller.” As Mike says this, Bezequil pulls down a blank piece of canvas to show a Pilbasian style portrait of an elderly, smiling Tandy Miller. “We all owe a great debt to my father for the countless times he saved our lives!” Mike proceeds to recap the larger events of the show, however, in this account Tandy is always the hero who saved everyone, even if that’s not really what happens. As Mike introduces each event, Bezequil pulls another portrait off the easel to reveal an artistic interpretation of the events Mike is describing.

“Tandy saved us from the demeted Pat, he battled him and with one stroke beheaded him!” The portrait shows Tandy ridiculously ripping Pat’s head off while still in his suit.

“When he was kidnapped by the insatiable Pamela, he used his masculine wiles to seduce her and rescue everyone!” The portrait resembles a dime store romance novel cover, we cut quickly to Carol who wrinkles her nose.”

“He valiantly defeated Cannibal Carl in a duel to the death!” The portrait shows Tandy and Carl in outfits reminiscent of Burr and Hamilton times engaged in a classic gun duel.

“When we were besieged by the bunker people, he bravely and accidentally infected them with the virus.” The portrait shows Tandy shrugging and looking puzzled while surrounded by people bleeding from their noses and mouths. (By the way, in an interview, Will Forte said that’s how that arc was intended to be resolved.)

“He fought off the roving gangs of mutant luchadores!” A portrait of Tandy in an 80’s Andre the Giant leotard in a wrestling ring facing off against what looks pretty much like a mutant luchadore. As Bezequil removes each portrait to show the next, we see she has the same look of unflappable certainty we’re used to seeing from Carol.

“And when the machine uprising happened, who saved us? Yet again, it was Tandy!” The portrait shows Tandy as Arnold Schwartzenagger shooting Terminator looking robots. The camera cuts back to the group and we see Carol giving a knowing and reverant nod while Melissa and Erika shoot each other eye rolls and sigh.

We assume there may have been some kind of problem with marauders and maybe computers did go haywire, but similar to how all these stories have been told by Mike, there’s likely some embellishment.

Mike continues, and we can tell she’s getting worked up like a televangelist who’s about to have a religious fit. “After saving our lives over and over and over and over he went on to found Tandyland and became its first president.” Bezequil’s next reveal is the famous portrait of George Washington with the face cut out and in it’s place a Pilbasian style drawing of Tandy’s face. “Tandyland has grown and prospered into the place we now all call home. My father once told me he spent years thinking he was the last man on Earth. But Tandy… dad… look at your life… (she begins raising her voice and gesturing more wildly) … look at all you’ve done… (at this point she’s pointing towards the sky and screaming towards the heavens as the camera dramatically tightens on Mike while the show’s signature melody is crescendoing on the electric guitar) … Tandy Miller you were never the last man on Earth … NO DAD … YOU WERE THE GREATEST MAN ON EARTH.”

The music cuts and Mike is taking deep gulping breaths while Bezequil remains stoically by the easel. We get a camera cut to the group and they are staring at Mike and blinking wordlessly. Cutting back to Mike, she gestures towards Dawn and Todd Jr. “Dawn… Todd Jr., if you would please.”

We can already hear Todd Jr. begin to sniffle as he and Dawn take a step forward. A deep and sad dirge begins to come from the accordian that Dawn in playing. However we only get one bar into the dirge before it stops completely. Suddenly you hear Dawn tapping out a very familiar beat, albeit much more slowly this time. Tap tap-tap… tap tap-tap. Todd Jr. takes a deep, sobbing breath and belts out in beautiful voice “Cloooooooooosure, clooooooosure, cloooosure-clooooosure-cloooosure”. We get a quick cut back to Mike who shouts, “EVERYONE!!!” Then suddenly we hear hundreds of voices singing together and clapping out the familiar beat “Closure, closure, closure, closure, closure.” The camera finally gives a wide shot of the surrounding area of the cemetery and we see that Tandyland is populated by 200-300 people of all ages. Dispersed throughout the crowd we see that Tandy’s half shaved look has caught on as every 20 or so people are sporting the look including children and the elderly. As the chorus of “Closure” continues. The camera pulls back to the bird’s eye view we saw before but this time we can see that farmland has been cultivated beyond the grove and there appears to be structures and settlements all over the fertile basin. We are given to understand that Tandyland is a thriving and growing reboot of humanity.