Having tripped about 15 times, I go into the experience knowing where things are headed.

"Everything's connected, mhm. We're all God, sure, got that. Seeing every color, yep."

What I now take out of the experience, and the main reason why my most recent trips have been "bad", is that I get the sense that I've completed all that I was meant to do here.

It's like: "Okay, none of this is stuff is news, I've finally achieved balance, and I still have 9 more hours to be in here??? We should probably just kill ourselves."

Then I spend the next 9hrs trying to find any reason to stay alive. I'm not sad or anything, I just feel like I literally "beat" life, so the next logical step is to try death out. It's scary how convincing it gets.

Took a break for a year and tried MDMA for the first time, and now I see that there's value in simply doing things for fun. Not every trip has to be this eye-opening experience. Learning how to let go and enjoy life is worthwhile.

I'm planning on tripping soon and I'm glad that I can put a new intent behind it. No intellectualizing everything, just learning how to let go and enjoy the show.