I do have a busy life. I hit the gym, I work a job and spend some time with myself and my music and other media. It hits me hard when I fall back on my bed, right before sleeping and can't help but feel how lonely I am.

I have issues, I admit. I've never been in the best of headspaces, my family life isn't very colorful either. I have almost no friends where I live right now. And for some reason, I always choose to like what I can possibly never have.

I've been using Grindr for like 4 years now and I went out on a date ONCE and it was good for a change but very unstimulating. The people at my place are trash. Online dating however, isn't meant for me anyway because I'm pretty old school. I'm still stuck in the phase where I eventually fall for the person, I share my bench in a classroom with. I need some sort of physical presence to be able to attach myself to a person. I don't see the culture of dating apps working for me this way.

The worst part - I keep falling for straight people. People, I know I can never have and eventually, it hurts. I have been fortunate enough to receive my share of attention from both men and women, but I've never been able to like them back. I just don't feel a trigger until it's me crushing on someone and not the other way around.

I see couples going on bike rides and trips and getting pictures clicked together and smiling together and hurts me so much that I can possibly never have this, at least not in the way I want...