I just need a space to talk and rant. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

For context I am a non binary gay, and I present very very femme. I like makeup and heels and lipgloss and skirts and dresses, and all of that stuff. So naturally, with prom being a few months away I would want to wear a dress. I tried to talk to my mom about this a few months ago, but she pulled the “I’m at work we’ll talk later” card. Needless to say…we didn’t.

So just a few moments ago, I tried to bring it up again. Hoping to have a meaningful conversation where she said her side, and I said mine and we could come to a conclusion. I brought it up and she said “Honestly if your still stuck on wearing a dress that’s up to you I’m not ok with that and I don’t want to have a prom send off party where everyone comes and judges you cause then it will be a big problem it’s your prom so do what makes sense and makes you happy and something that’s affordable we’re not paying hundreds of dollars for a dress “

I spent 10 minutes crying in my brothers arms..

It hurts. There wasn’t a bunch of people coming to begin with just our household and my step parents. I don’t have any friends. I just feel like it’s to satisfy herself because she’s uncomfortable. She brought my older brother a $600 suit or what not. Plus shoes to match. He has both of them still. All my other brothers have had big proms with no problem. When my younger sister has her prom she will have a big moment with her. It hurts. But I’m not surprised. She’s always been like this. It took months to get her to let me dye my hair after my sister already had hers. I’ve stopped fighting for my piercings, my sister already has some. I’ve just stopped fighting, I feel so alone. And all of this has sparked some of my internalized homophobia from my dad. (Long story short, he found out I was gay and beat me up..bad) I try not to ask for anything. I get good grades and I stay out of trouble. I work and help the house. I just dont get it. I’m tired. Just tired of everything.

Edit: I see so many people saying this but I’m cutting my mom off. She was there for me when my dad turned. She moved me in the day I called DHS on my dad after he hit me. She is pretty accepting on most things. Though somethings she’s hopeless and I’ve stopped fighting. All parents aren’t perfect. I’ve had to mature early at 14 and now as a high school senior I see she isn’t the mom I thought she was but she still fucking rocks. She just failed here. She knows it, I know it. And that’s that.