(Sorry for bad English or weird way i explained it, English is not my first language) I don't even know where to begin with all of this. So, I'll start in a slightly unusual way. I prefer not to reveal my name, but at present, I'm 19 and will be turning 20 in a couple of months. Yes, I am a gay man. To delve into this story, I need to go back in time, perhaps to when I was in 4th or 5th grade. During that period, I hadn't yet realized that I was gay, although I did notice that I had certain feelings towards other boys, even though I was a boy myself. It took me a long journey to finally understand my own sexuality, and it included numerous years and nearly several suicide attempts. I must clarify that I am not in that state of mind anymore. Now, let's focus on the story at hand, which involves three people: myself, a male best friend whom I'll refer to as Alec, and another female best friend. Alec might be aware of this story since he uses Reddit, but I don't think he's part of this group because he is straight, and that's perfectly fine. Alec and I have been friends for a long time, even until now. We first met in 5th grade when he joined my school. For some reason, we instantly clicked and became very close friends. We spent a lot of time together, and we were the only ones in our class who spoke English because it's not our native language. However, both of us happened to be learning English at the time, so we used it to communicate with each other frequently. Naturally, our bond grew stronger, and over time, I developed unexpected feelings for him. I didn't understand what those feelings meant since I was still confused about being gay. We remained close friends throughout the years, and honestly, all through high school, I harbored deep feelings for him, while he remained unaware of my sexual orientation. Yes, we are still very close friends. However, one day, another girl entered the picture, who is now my best friend. I don't know what exactly transpired between them because I was absent from school for a week or two due to a serious illness. When I returned, she had become a part of his life, our lives. They grew close and started spending a lot of time together, eventually dating each other. I was deeply hurt by this situation, but I couldn't express my feelings because it was wrong. After all, she was my best friend, and he was my best friend too. I buried my emotions because it was inappropriate to have feelings for my male best friend who happened to be dating my female best friend. Throughout their relationship, there were many ups and downs. Whenever they had arguments, I had to comfort one of them. During those moments, a part of me would wonder why it couldn't be me receiving that comfort instead of her. However, I had to hide these thoughts and feelings. I didn't want anyone to find out. This cycle repeated itself numerous times. Fast forward to last year, specifically 2023, they broke up. Coincidentally, I was on a trip during that time. Throughout the trip, their relationship came to an end, and I had to console both of them. This time, it was real. They had actually broken up because my female best friend chose to date someone else, leaving him single. He was devastated, and I had to provide comfort over phone calls. But I felt selfish and terrible for having these thoughts. While I comforted him, a part of me couldn't help but wish that those tears were shed for me instead. I know it's selfish of me, and I feel guilty about it, but those were my genuine emotions. Nevertheless, it's all in the past now. Oh, I should mention that I've noticed something peculiar. Despite attending the same school initially when we met in 5th grade, we somehow managed to cross paths again, even after changing schools. It's as if some twisted fate brought us together. We studied together until 9th grade in the same high school, but then he moved to a different school. Strangely, when I changed schools, I ended up encountering him once more. Even though we weren't in the same class, our lives still intersected. During that time, I also attended English classes at a separate school, and unbelievably, he was there too, in the same class. And when high school finally ended and I enrolled in university, guess what? It's absolutely mind-boggling. He also ended up joining the same university, completely unaware. I don't know what kind of twisted fate has played with us or what this universe is trying to do, but it's truly astounding.