I'm 26. I'm not overly unattractive, at least not in my opinion, but I'm pretty sure I'll live a life of solidarity. I struggle with mental illness and have the social skills of a dying slug. Of course I've tried to improve it, but people can see when you're uncomfortable and unsure of yourself.

I'm on literally every dating site there is and I get no attention whatsoever. If we're talking statistically, it is not a surprise. Black women are seldomly on the top of anyone's list. It certainly doesn't help that I'm a bit weird.

It's funny because I've realized that almost everyone in my family is also single. It makes me wonder if it's just something wrong with us fundamentally....maybe it's the mental illness.

Don't get me wrong, I "put myself out there" but I don't get any responses. If I were straight, I think I'd be ok. Plenty of straight men try to talk to me. This is not to say I hate that I'm gay. I'm fine with who I am I'm that respect. I just don't know where I'm going wrong with women. I'm never seen as a dating prospect, not even as a friend. I only have male friends. I want to fix whatever I'm doing, but I don't know what it is. I don't know if it would help.

I keep asking myself "what is wrong with me?" I spend a lot of time reflecting on myself. I think about how I may come across to others. People tell me how nice of a person I am pretty often. I know that I can be really awkward around people my own age, but once I feel comfortable I think I'm cool to be around. I have a good sense of humor. I'm not that good looking, but I think I'm a good person. Kids and animals love me, which says something, right? They're like the only genuine beings, so it has to count for something. I'm rambling.

As I've gotten older, I've separated myself more from others. The feelings of being rejected over and over, being forgotten, being left out...they've become too much to handle. I know that I would have to go out more to meet more people, but it's hard when you feel so out of place. I can't make conversation with people, and they don't make conversation with me, so when I go out I end up somewhere in the background watching everyone else be normal. Then I feel even worse. I try to talk to people online, but no one talks to me there either.

I can acknowledge that a lot of my issues are from my own doing, but I don't think that means I don't deserve to be loved. I can't help that I have a mental illness. I constantly work to improve that, but it seems it isn't enough.

How do you come to terms with being alone? I wish I could just accept it and live happily alone, but when I see others out with friends or with their SO, I feel like shit. I look at them and wish i could experience those feelings. I wish I had someone to wake up to. I wish that I could take someone out on a date. I wish that I had friends to go out with. I wish someone could see me and think I was attractive. I wish that someone could love me regardless of my mental state. I wish that I didn't want these things, because it just brings me pain.