... But you feel worse than before.

Our relationship was short - about 4 months (Feb - June. We met in late Dec.) To me, that was incredibly embarrassing because I'm usually in relationships for the long haul. If we start dating at all, it's because I see a future with you and I care/love you so much that I want to be with you until you get bored of me and move on.

We broke up because I kept complaining to her that I wasn't getting enough attention/affection. She made decisions every day to place this mobile game called Ingress above me to the point where she'd ignore my calls and text messages, wouldn't tell me she was even out playing and get in touch with me when she was done, no "Goodnight, I love you"s. It was her stuck in her own world focusing hardcore on that stupid game. We were long distance, so lack of communication and attention made things a little bit harder for me. So, after the third time of trying to talk about how I'm feeling, she announced that I cause her too much stress, and that was that.

Yeah, I was hurt for a few days. Break ups suck after all. I'm the type to bounce back kind of quickly, especially from a relationship that's as short as this one, and I was ready to move forward with my own personal goals. I cut off all contact because that helps me move on and, after a week, she sent an email begging for me to remain in her life because she wants me to be her friend. I think it's too early to ask of this, but sure whatever, let's try it. After a week, I realized she was still a shitty person and I didn't need this in my life. And we haven't talked since (early June) until now...

While I was in Atlanta for a convention last weekend, she blew up my phone with a novel of a text message saying she wants me in her life, she's changed, all the cliches you can think of. I'm left with so many questions. Why now? Why me? I was extremely close to where she lives (30 minutes away) and I didn't have any desire to reach out to her, but yet here she was bugging me and thinking of anything she can to get me to talk with her.

I simply said we'd talk later (I was too busy spending money in the Dealer's Room) and I talked it over with the friends I was with. One said she's probably hoping she'd get laid because I'm so close by and we have a history and a couple of others said to give her another chance.

I do because I just wanna see this "I've changed" bullshit for myself. We met later that evening when she got off of work and she took us to a Steak n Shake. I'm sitting there with just water asking her the questions aforementioned. She can only say, "Because I want you as a friend!" I don't understand this. We're still 3 hours apart from where I live, she has made a new circle of friends, she has a FWB person that she doesn't want to commit to, but I don't see how I fit in anywhere with her. If you wanted to be with me, you'd be with me instead of finding a girl to fuck and seek her out for companionship.

I placed the ball in her court. "If you're serious about being friends, you're going to do all the effort. I'm not going to text you first. I'm not going to call you. It's all you." This was last Friday and we've only exchanged 6 texts total late night on Tues because she wanted to show me a sake brand that I've been looking for. I'm pretty confident she didn't mean what she said about wanting to be friends.

3 strikes, you're out. I'm done. But she did her damage. I feel lonely all over again. I've had no luck with the usual sites (okcupid, pof, tinder) and I finally got to a point of not caring, but she reset that for me. I feel incredibly bitter that she has someone for that type of companionship and I do not when I feel like I have way more to offer than she does in her current situation. I know that's immature, but I can't help feeling that way sometimes.

I blame where I live mostly. I'm in a conservative city in Georgia and I'm an overweight, soft butch lesbian that's into anime, video games, and other nerdy stuff. There's no one here for me. I can't wait to leave.