So I'm not actually in a relationship, but I believe I may have feelings for someone I met here on Reddit.

I(37M) started to talking to this woman(32F) after we met on a particular subreddit on here. At first things went very well indeed, we started by flirting. The flirting was very aggressive, particularly on her part. As things started to progress, I realised I was feeling something for her. As I have Autism and I am useless at reading signals, I straight up asked her if what was happening was 'real'. She told me that it was. That was it. I wanted to be her.

The next day, I waited all day for her to send a message. She is over in the US, and I am in England, so I'd expected to have to wait, but as the clock hit around 6pm, I'd still not had anything. I decided to be 'cute' and get her attention by posting a post gushing about her on the subreddit we met on. I didn't name her, the whole plan was that she'd see it and then we'd decide what we were going to tell people.

However, another man replied to my topic saying he'd met someone too. This particular community isn't huge, so I smelt a rat and DM'd him. I just had a funny feeling.

Sure enough, he quickly confirmed he was talking about the same woman. To cut a long story short, we talked and I thought came up with an agreement that we were both going to tell her we weren't interested due to the fact she was talking to us both.

With that in mind I confronted her. I asked her straight if she was talking to anyone else, she told me that whilst she was flirting with others that I was the only one she was talking to in a more serious manner. She maintained this claim until I told her that I'd already spoken to the other guy and knew the way she was talking to him. Things quickly escalated, she told me that she wanted to be in a relationship with the other guy - she told me this before she told him.

I will admit I reacted very poorly to this and said a lot of things that I came to regret. In the end I blocked both of them and the other guy blocked me - and we remain mutually blocked to this day. She never blocked me, despite me asking her to and despite the way I spoke to her.

From that moment on, the two of them were posting about each other all over the subreddit, virtually every topic was somehow made to be about them. I also joined a Discord that is adjacent to the subreddit, and she immediately came in. We didn't talk for months until she wrongly thought a comment I made was me insulting the other guy. It wasn't, but I did discover that they'd already ended their relationship. The other guy also happens to be from England, so the two of them never actually met. I was removed from the Discord for a few weeks as a result of my comment, but have since been readmitted. After coming back I scrolled up and saw she had got into a public argument with one of my other friends and seemingly stopped posting.

A few days ago I noticed she had a new Reddit account (she deleted the old one). I decided to be the bigger person and sent her an apology, explaining that I regretted SOME of the things that I said. I was fully expecting that she'd either block me, tell me to go away, or just ignore it. She did not. She replied saying she was sorry too. I asked her how she'd been and we started talking again.

This is when I realised I still feel something for her. Being that I have Autism I am not certain exactly what it is that I feel, but I still want to explore it.

Since she started speaking to me again, she told me that she liked the picture I sent her of me wearing something, and even suggested some outfits that she'd think I'd look good in. She even helped me set my profile up on OnlyFans after telling me an idea I had sounded good. She also told me she loved a story I wrote and encouraged me to write a part 2 that is rather NSFW. She even gave a lot of advice, since she is into the kind of sex that I wrote about.

At the moment she is posting a lot of memes and flirting with a lot of other users on Reddit, but talking to me as though we are on somewhat friendly terms, but no flirting or anything else that suggests she wants a relationship with me. However, she's not said anything to indicate that she WOULDN'T be interested in having a relationship. She also has Autism so I'm pretty sure there's no hidden meaning in her messages.

I personally believe 95% of the bad behaviour happened because of the other guy, I consider him a scumbag and I despise him for what he's done. The fact that their relationship ended before they even met IRL doesn't make me happy, it just makes me highly annoyed that I lost her for basically nothing.

What do I do? I suspect that I am just going to get hurt again, but I needed to ask somewhere if I am being completely silly or if there is a chance, albeit a small one, that this woman really can make me happy one day.

I have posted this on my second account largely so she does not see it, as far as I am aware she does not know this account name, or even that I have a second account - but the other guy has seen me post on this one and somehow figured out who I was.