I've been dating a Russian woman who lives in Germany since 2020, we started long-distance and in 2022 I moved in with her and we lived together for 1 year, this year was great and this is something she recognizes was the best period of her life but I went back to Brazil because I couldn't get any decent job there while there was a very good offer to go back which I accepted.

My 'girlfriend/ex-girlfriend' doesn't even know what we are at this point, it's a limbo, she considered it a betrayal that I left her for money even though it wasn't the case... She said at the time that she would marry me so that I could stay in Germany, but since work in Brazil would pay a lot more and I could be 100% remote in 2025 (i.e. live there with her without worrying about work in Germany and she would graduate from university in late 2024, the dates to move back in together would work out) but since I refused to marry her at the time and left her there, she still says she doesn't trust me anymore.

Anyway, I'm monogamous but she forced an open relationship from the start. For a long time I was fine with it, because she made it clear that it was just fun getaways, but feelings of love and priority etc. were always with me and that was that.

However, I had an attack of jealousy more recently when she got into a relationship with a fellow student when I wasn't there that year and we had a fight and she withdrew emotionally from our relationship. There's no more affection, she doesn't call me love or say she loves me anymore.

Meanwhile there's a guy she's also in a relationship with on VRChat (he's from another country and he's poly and has about 4 partners) she's with this guy all the time on VRChat and she keeps praising him saying that he's the real "chad", the top cock of the galaxies of all time, great at everything, while she doesn't say a single good thing about me anymore. but then I ask her if she wants a relationship with him and she says no because she doesn't want to be just another one of the many other partners he has and also because he would never move in with her and it would always be at a distance and that's why me being jealous of him isn't justified.

I went after this guy to tell him that our relationship was going badly and that I wanted to talk to him about it and the madman vomited on me that I'm a disillusioned piece of shit and that she has no interest in me anymore and that I should leave because at that point I was already being a stalker. I questioned her about it and she promptly 'denied' it, saying that he'd snapped and it didn't reflect her feelings, told him to cut it out and asked me not to talk to him again.

We've been talking and she also said that she's going to live with another friend of hers from Russia who she's going to receive in Germany for about 3~4 months and she opened up saying that she wanted to see if they work out because she was going to leave me for him since he says he's fine with this open relationship thing and wouldn't be jealous and as I said she says she's lost confidence in me.

Then, despite all the garbage written above, I still insisted that I love her and so on, and we agreed to meet up, I've already bought the plane tickets and I'm going to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve in Germany with her, so we can see if we're going to get back together for real or if we're going to end our relationship once and for all (but even if she decides that we're going to stay together, she'll still spend the three months with the other guy there and if she feels more secure with him, she's made it clear that she'll still leave me for him).

Honestly, I'm ashamed to be so loyal to this person who clearly has no commitment to me, I've already bought the tickets but now I'm regretting it because it's so obvious that we have no future... it may still be a fun vacation but damn...