My friend asked me if I posted on this sub, and I told him no, that I thought this sub was just for hookups - I mean it's like 90% dick pics, right? But he says he is sure that there are some great women who read but don't post, and I'm hoping he is right.

The way a romantic relationship is supposed to work is that it starts with passion and excitement and then develops into intimacy, commitment, and trust. Unfortunately I think a lot of people (especially here in LA) have trouble with that second part, so they just stick to casual, hookups, etc, which, let's not sugar coat it, is just f--king people who don't care about you. Predictably they end up lonely and unhappy and feeling worse than when they started. And on the off chance they do find someone that they care about who feels the same way, they don't have the skills to sustain those relationships.

Still I'm hoping that there are plenty of women who have either had enough of hookup culture or just avoided it altogether - seeing that it didn't really offer them anything. I mean I have to hope so, otherwise romance as we know it is dead and buried, which would be really sad. Yes, some relationships end badly, but the other side of the coin is that there is nothing like that feeling where you are with someone who loves you and believes in you and supports you and wants the best for you. That's the feeling that's worth holding on to, not the initial passion (although passion is still important).

I am a 51M who lives in Beverly Hills. While the city is known for high end shopping, I live there because its a nice upper middle class neighborhood with safe streets, good schools, nice parks, etc. (Just setting expectations that I'm not uberwealthy just because I live there.) I have an MBA and do tech and finance, basically coding and writing, but I have a lot of other interests too. I'm especially interested in people, the new economy, and changes in society. I was raised in a well educated multi-culti environment and am intellectually confident and a bit of a risk-taker.

I also take my friendships & relationships very seriously and would do anything for the people that I care about. I always consider honesty the best policy and often feel like the last romantic in LA. I am divorced, but on excellent terms with my ex-, and we share custody of a daughter in 11th grade.

If you want to know what I look like, I am happy to share a photo after some initial conversation, but basically I'm so white I sunburn easily. I'm 5'6", but that's an honest height, maybe a little low. I work out regularly in my home gym and just got on TRT. I have been making great progress, but still have some weight to lose.

My understanding is that it's best to spell out what you are looking for. Here are the absolutes:

1. If you're sleeping with someone else, or especially if you're sleeping with strangers, please don't contact me. If you've had sex anytime in the past month, please think carefully about the circumstances before you respond.
2. If you smoke or are really into alcohol or drugs, then we won't be a good match. (I drink occasionally but never excessively.)
3. If you are looking for someone to take care of you, i.e. sugar baby, tradwife, etc, I'm not that guy, and to be honest I would really rethink your expectations. Spend some time on the /r/SugarDatingForum and see how that world really works - it's fucking bleak.
4. I don't get along with progressives, antiracists, feminists, people who are "woke", etc. That stuff just looks like a cult to me.

And other stuff - think of this as like guidelines rather than checkboxes, but if you're concerned it might be best to bring it up early in conversation.

1. I generally get along best with smart, professional women from 35 to 45 who see the benefits in dating an older guy (maturity, stability, etc).
2. Multi-cultural backgrounds are a big plus - I have visited a lot of countries and lived, studied, and worked in Europe and Asia and like learning about new cultures.
3. I am not very status-conscious, brand-conscious, etc and being with someone who is would concern me - someone going in debt to keep up with frenemies and impress strangers.
4. I need to be with someone that understands that maintaining a healthy weight is important. That may seem hypocritical since I'm still kinda overweight (although muscles hide it), but I know how difficult it is to get that stuff under control and frankly older men have advantages that older women don't.
5. Relationships are important to maintaining self-esteem but can't fix chronically low self-esteem. In my experience, if you're down on yourself, you're going to push the people away that love you. Be honest about whether you're really ready to have someone care about you.
6. Related to that, if you're shy and think that's just how you are, that's a huge problem because shy people generally can't reciprocate attention, affection, etc and create one sided relationships. You need to meet people halfway.
7. If you're very traditional and/or a single parent, I may give you some anxiety because I have a history of taking chances in my life (although they usually pay off). I'm happy to get more into this in conversation. It may not be an issue but I just wanted to mention it up front.
8. I really want to go out more and see more of LA and go on some great dates and day trips with someone worth taking, but at the same time I also value quiet time at home. If you're more extreme one way or the other, that could be an issue.

And the sex / relationship stuff:

• Being attractive is showing that you're desirable, while being sexual is desiring sex, and it's an important distinction. If I tell you that I've been in two love triangles (which I actually have) that's me being attractive. If I tell you I like boobs, that's me being sexual. Which one makes you more interested and which one makes you less interested? Flip that around and you can understand why, especially when I'm getting to know them, attractive women keep my interest, while sexual women make me lose interest.

• I am really affectionate and playful and have a high sex drive, but at the same time I don't value my relationships based on the sex, I value them based on how the other person makes me feel (appreciation and attention) and the connection and trust that we build. In the bedroom I am generally dominant but everywhere else I think equal partners is the way to go, although I'm happy to take the lead whenever its helpful.

• I am open to the idea of non-traditional relationships, but would have to really think about what it offers and what the emotional pitfalls would be. Some level of commitment is important and I would never want to feel benched or breadcrumbed and I don't think it would be fair to do that to anyone else. I also tend to get along well with lesbians and have been in relationships with them before - maybe because I have a lot of lesbians in my family. As to whether I would get married or have children again, I don't have any plans to but never say never I guess.

Anyway, if you read all of this, I am very impressed, and now you know a lot about me while I know nothing about you, so let's change that: PM or send a chat request and tell me about something unexpected that happened to you and surprised you, a random fact that you learned recently, the best book that you read this year, something you can do better than anyone else, something I wrote that connected with you, or anything really.