So, Twitter might be imploding, and the lovely u/forgotten_roads planted this idea in my head. Welcome to my first shitpost script.

mouse clicking

Oh, shit… have you been on Twitter today?

Yeah, it’s like the fucking end times over here. Apparently the whole thing is imploding or whatever.

I don’t know, some shit about Elon Musk. He lost the keys to the building or something?

Man, this sucks. It feels like the world is ending, doesn’t it?

Well, I mean, I have a ton of friends on there that I might lose touch with. I’ve made, like, real connections. Like the one I have with you.

Listen, uh… since the world is basically ending. I thought, you know, maybe… we should see it off properly? Give it a good send off?

I just mean, it might be both of our last chance to fuck a Twitter mutual. We might as well take advantage of that while we still can, right?

Isn’t that the fantasy? To get to fuck one of your smoking hot Twitter mutuals? Just because we actually hang out now doesn’t mean we’re not mutuals still, I think it totally counts.

No, don’t overthink it. Nobody in those crazy apocalypse scenarios thinks that much about it. We don’t have time for you to hem and haw. It’s now or never, the ship is sinking.

Yeah? Fuck, awesome, I can cross this off my bucket list. Come here.

(kissing/making out)

Fuck, this is actually kind of hot. I won’t say you’re the only mutual I ever thought about doing this with, but you’re definitely at the top of the list.

(kissing/making out)

No, come on, no time for all that mushy foreplay stuff. I want to fuck but we have to hurry so we can like, watch the timeline burn down.

(kissing/making out)

Mm… I did see that people are… moving to tumblr? I didn’t even know that website still existed.

(kissing/making out)

Fuck, this means I have to re-learn HTML. I really thought that era of my life was over.

Right, sorry. I can worry about HTML later.

Okay, come on. Get those pants off.

pants sounds

God, you’re so fucking hot. Remember that lewd you posted the other morning?

Oh yeah? Damn, that’s a lot of likes. You look even better in person, though.

(kissing/making out)

Fuck, I just got a notification… Elon Musk is tweeting all kinds of dumb shit. We gotta hurry this up.

(kissing/making out)

Ready? Mm, me too.

[moaning, sex sounds, etc. feel free to improv]

Oh fuck, you feel incredible.

(kissing/making out)

Yeah, that’s… that’s so fucking good. Way better than getting off to your lewds and voice tweets—although those are super hot, too, don’t get me wrong.

(kissing/making out)

(moaning) Move your hips just like that, that’s it. Who knew fucking a Twitter mutual would actually be this hot?

(kissing/making out)

Mm… now that I think about it… I seem to remember a tweet you shared once about… neck kisses?

(neck kissing sounds)

Fuck, you weren’t kidding. Your neck is… so sensitive. You sound so fucking good.

(neck kissing sounds)

You should… fuck, count yourself lucky. All these—these sounds you’re getting me to make, and it’s not even Masc Moan Monday/Femme Moan Friday.

(neck kissing sounds)

(gasping) God, yes, right there. I’m so close, you’re going to make me cum.

Yeah, fuck. Finish me off like Elon finished off an entire social media site. Make me yours and then ruin me for everyone else.

Yes, yes, I’m—

[feel free to improv to orgasm]

(panting, laughing) Holy shit, that was really good. Something about the apocalypse really gets the blood pumping, huh?

(kissing sounds)

Okay, well, I guess we should go to Target now.

Uh, so we can get a bunch of snacks and then come back here and watch Twitter implode, duh.

(laughing, kissing) Let’s go.

END OF SCRIPT

<3 Kit