I can't see it getting any better any time soon. Life is fading darker than the black it's been. I don't have the drive, energy or motivation for anything. I don't have any meaningful connections irl. Nothing really makes me happy or satisfied anymore. Life is completely bland and colorless.

I've been trying to change for so long. I don't have it in me to go on any longer. I'm depressed, anxious and burntout all the time. Been working on my mental comorbities but still. Change is painfully slow but I don't think I can push through.

I am growing increasingly cynical and resentful of people and life in general. They say you're not alone, but nobody knows me. They say mental health is important, yet you only deserve professional support if you're priveleged enough to live in a first world country that has options for you, or can afford it.

What's the point of living a life where you live just to "get through" all the time. My supressed thoughts of death have come back full force.