I feel like a mess. I don't know what to do and how to get through this. I don't have access to much needed professional support and won't get it any time soon.

I am struggling with thought loops and high levels of anxiety and stress that are interfering with my functioning. Everything needs to be logical to me and my fear of uncertainty is troubling. I have a lot I want to do with my life but I don't know what I want to prioritize. I can't decide, I'm indecisive. I keep shuffling from "I have to" to "I don't have to" and back and forth. I can't make decisions unless they feel rationally verified or informed.

Couple this with a behavioural dependency/"addiction" that tends to give me a lot of trouble because I don't know how to deal with it. Standard "willpower"-based methods do not work. I feel I must do it because I feel like it's always the most pleasurable thing in the world. I have a lot of fear around this which clouds my thinking.

I need help, I feel like I'm drowning in myself and I have no means of making it out.