I don’t want to post too much here, although I’m happy to PM about it.

But basically, something I’ve been working towards for the last 10 years starts in three weeks. And I’m so overwhelmed, and so exhausted and just so on edge all the time. I feel like I’m going to have a break down at any point.

I am usually in the verge of tears. I’m not eating right. And to cap it all off, I keep having nightmares about my ex. He ghosted me just before valentines and I miss him on a level that’s hard to describe.

I should be so happy right now. Amazing things are happening in my life. I’m experiencing a level of success I’ve never had before. And I am so lonely. I’m in so much pain, it’s physical. But I don’t feel like I can reach out and make more friends right now because my life is such a hot mess and I am so genuinely having a mental health crisis. So I think I just have to be miserable.

And I know I just sound Crazy (who doesn’t have work and love problems?) it’s just been going on for so long and I so desperately need a break. And every day it seems to get worse. I just want this to be over. I don’t even care any more, just one way or the other. I don’t care if I fail, I need relief.