Dick Windu, Woah O Woo: Adventures of Ass Man

Corrected text:

Critical acclaim: "From a psychological standpoint, as long as these writings do not indicate distress or dysfunction in your daily life, they are just another form of expression. However, if the content or the act of writing it causes you or others harm or significant distress, it might be worth discussing with a mental health professional." -Shrek

"The repeated themes of eating ass could be symbolic, or they might simply be for shock or comedic effect." - IGN

"Art and writing can be therapeutic, a way to explore dark or hidden parts of the psyche." - Joe Rogan

"This kind of creative output suggests a need for psychological evaluation." - RFK Jr.

Prologue Ass Man went up a hill and killed another guy who was gay. Ass Man is super straight, and he likes to kill. Kill, kill, kill, kill, that's what Ass Man does. He is angry because he is ugly and can't get any women. Ass Man eats lots of ass and doesn't even think about it; a man's ass, that's what Ass Man does. All he does is eat, eat, eat ass, ass, ass. He likes money, drugs, and evil multivitamin dollar iPads. Ass Man drinks ass like it's Coca-Cola. He's considering turning gay because he can't get any women, and he's already dived his head up so much man's ass. He went to hell and ate shit. Ass Man is like an angry fish who eats other fish whole, not because he can't cut off the ass, but because it's all about the ass, but the fish doesn't want people to know. He ran up and down the stairs eating ass the whole way. He likes drugs but he said, "Womp woodly, I could really use some man's ass, Dave," and Dave said, "I want money, not ass." Then Dave said, "I can make us money, and we'll buy ass," and then Dave stopped talking. Dave really doesn't like ass, so he stomped in an angry fit down the stairs, looked for edible ass, and remembered he doesn't like ass, so that's where Ass Man comes in to eat the ass. Money, money, money, Dave wants to have money, so he starts a business with a poor plan, and the business goes under. So he walks outside the failed gay bar and says, "Wow, maybe instead of making a gay bar here, I should make a gay bar in Gayland where there are a ton of gays and gay hookers and stuff." So he walked to Gayland in his Toyota Corolla and ate ass on the subway he took to Gayland. His Toyota Camry fit inside the subway. He ate some ass but then forgot he doesn't eat ass, so he gave it to Ass Man, who just happened to have his head in his ass. Dave was confused why Ass Man would have his head in Dave's ass and said, "Wompy woomp doodly hoomp, get your poony outta my hoodly." He defecated on Ass Man's head on the way out and cast a magic spell that says, "Wow, I like ass because I'm Ass Man," but it was ineffective because Ass Man already likes ass. Maybe Ass Man hates gays as a cover for his own gayness, eating the man's ass that is. So Ass Man walked down the stairs into the subway, looked or waited for the subway full of ass to come, and it came, and Dave walked out, and they were both in Gayland. Ass Man lives in Gayland even though he hates gays. So Dave walked down the stairs and into an asshole and died immediately because the smell of ass was goddamn insane. In Gayland, the land is underground, and the entrance from the subway is a big walkway that looks like a man spreading his asshole open; you can see his face looking around the side. Stuffing money is what is the new good thing, so he opened a gay bar in Texas and died because of all the smell of assholes. Then Jesus came in from the sky on a white horse and waved his massive dick, coming down from the sky onto Ass Man and Dave, waking them up from their death by badly smelling ass. He walked down the stairs and died again, but it's okay, so he walked down the stairs into the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and ate Mickey Mouse's asshole. Mickey said, "Oh boy, eat my ass like a king, Ass Man," and Ass Man shoved his head all the way up Mickey Mouse's ass, and it reminded him of chocolate milk; it tasted and smelled like chocolate milk. Mickey Mouse had an exotic taste that ass men would come for from all around the world, die immediately, come alive, and eat more of Mickey Mouse's ass, so there would be a line of dead ass eaters in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse's shed.

Ronald McDonald came and ate out everyone's ass in the whole wide world. He put cameras and scent detectors in Big Macs, and when people ate them, he would sniff and watch, that's what he called it, and his favorite part was the journey at the end of the colon out the asshole. He would have plenty of time to sniff the shit out of every single asshole at his super terminal, where every asshole of someone who just ate a Big Mac would have its smell aromatized in the master terminal room at 10x intensity, and Ronald McDonald would sniff the shit out of it. It was so strong that Ass Man came into North Korea, where Ronald McDonald lived before he became an icon, and Ass Man came in there and shoved his head up Ronald McDonald's ass and realized it was even stronger than the room of every Big Mac eating asses' smell combined and 10x. Ronald McDonald had the smelliest asshole in the world.

Ass Man would eat any ass that came his way, but he had a taste for the hairy ones, so he could bite the hairs and eat them like a salad. Ass Man is fucking crazy. He would walk down the stairs into the smell of a bit; this time, it was the land of dicks, and Ass Man loved dicks. Ass Man walked around and put doughnuts on his dick as mementos, and he would wrap the doughnuts around his dick and into his ass, turning his stick into a lightsaber. Now, he was Dick Windu Ass Stick, a force to be reckoned with. Dick Windu Ass Stick realized that now he was a super soldier, and committed, he would take the rest of his clothes off (an ass plug) and walk down to the local super soldier store in Dick Land to buy a Fagginator, an overpowered weapon that shoots big-ass, hot pink Star Wars lasers on full auto. Now he was ready to register as a bounty hunter, so he went to the bounty hunting store, or he tried, but then... A massive dude with his 67-inch cock raped Dick Windu in the ass. Dick Windu, after 20 seconds of enjoyment, blew his head off and sewed the dirty rapist's ballsack onto his chin that hanged down below his knees, and you could see another sack behind it bouncing off the ground when he walks. Stay tuned for the next addition.