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new to this sub. ive always been an avid reader and super interested in poetry. this is my first actual attempt at writing. im starting a memoir of my life in a series of vignettes. this is the intro. im finding my voice as a writer. i would appreciate any pointers and constructive criticisms
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Long and restless another day passed drearily into the sleepless night. The sound of birds chirping and the soft calming glow of the first blue kisses of dawn had already passed. “Fuck man where’s my three dollars. 6:30 am, I best run before anyone wakes up. I got to plan this ish just right, it takes me about 25 minutes. What the best route to duck the fucking pigs. No time to waste bruh, time to hit the local corner store on time to greet the old lady who runs the register.”

 State law is the other limiting factor. I can’t get the medicine until 7 Am sharp. Oh god, the pain, it’s not a physical pain but a sensation of dread when I got to go along the hot white knife that is known as the straight and narrow path.

“SNAP”

 it wasn’t all a dream but my mind finally comes back to this world. In another lifetime that’s what I would be doing, it’s really seven in the morning but I’m not selfishly chasing a feeling. God knows too well, too many close calls have come to brush me like an affectionate cat who’s just happy to greet you. except instead of a cute kitten this personifies in the form of a long gangly twisted form of a creature that looks and acts like me in every way but this being wants to see me destroyed. Addiction is a funny thing it affects everyone in different ways. Some people are born and live their entire life on the side of never touching an addictive vice. maybe it makes them self-righteous, maybe it makes them empathetic and thus sympathetic. Others are so in the throes of carnal pleasure and instant gratification the only actual calm is the silent reassurance of death. In a sense the daydream never ended you may say what the hell am I talking about but this struggle affects not only the brain reliant on chemical help but the people who care closest for said individual. Yes, some addicts die chasing that high I don’t intend to be one of them. After fatherhood was part of my life journey I told myself.

“Man, despite the slip-ups and the bullshit you must have the foresight to know one day you will take your last drink ever. the quicker you accept that the quicker you can lead a so-called normal life...."

signed A. B.

to be continued i have another page id like to really follow through with this and at least finishes a few thousand words to see how i feel about it. before deciding to seriously pursue it in depth i have to organize many thoughts and complex emotions that i hold deep in my mind and organize them especially my childhood. this whole project is gonna be tough but my youth will be the most complicated, biased bits and id like to stay objective to the exact quote if i can remember it.

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2 months ago