Cross-posting here to gets more local perspective. Thank you in advance.

I (23F) started dating my ex bf (29M) about 6 months ago. We met on a dating app and he was working out of town at the time. So we talked a lot more than I would consider average before we got to physically meet.

I have a high libido as well and some of our conversations got creative and spicy. I’m not timid and prefer a take charge man in the sheets.

When we finally are intimate he goes very slow. He is caring and there is lots of communication and foreplay and lube. I’m quite petite (5’2”) and was very wet and into our experience. I had trouble fitting more than half of him in my mouth. Knowing I like more assertive men, he role played being sadistic and was pushing me down on him, but complaining about my teeth.

We decided to try intercourse. He again became slow and caring and rubbed the head of his D against me until he slipped inside. He held it there and kissed em and whispered sexy things in my ear before asking “are you a bad girl?” I was into it so I said yes. He took that as permission to thrust deep within me. I immediately experienced pain and tearing and we stopped. He tried to fake compassion but I could tell he was upset.

I tried to break it off with him saying that he clearly needed someone with more experience and who was more physically compatible with him. Many, MANY conversations later we agreed to keep seeing one another.

During one of those conversations he mentioned he felt I lied to him about my interests. I assured him I had not lied, that I very much wanted a physical relationship that included several shared kinky fantasies.

Over the next several months we had ups and downs in the bedroom. One time he would be very caring and let me set the pace. He’s the first man to make me squirt. I got more and more of him inside me each time. But then the next he would be forceful and uncaring, like our first time. Then back to caring. Then not.

He was traveling for work a few weeks ago. My mom had made him some extra brisket (this man loves my mom’s cooking) so I decided to stop by his apartment and leave it in the fridge in case he wanted a late night snack when he arrived home. When I got to his apartment, a woman answered the door. It was clear she had no idea who I was. I asked why she was there; she asked why it was my business. I told her my name and she briefly smirked. She said “I hear you’re not fully up yo the job and perhaps you should take it up with him.” I said I would when he comes home from his trip and she said “what trip? He’s been with me all week.”

Heartbroken, (idk why either), I called him and told him I was leaving my mom’s brisket with his whore and never to contact me again. Skipping the subsequent drama.

I feel like, having skimmed through some of these posts, have done everything you guys recommend to be patient and accommodating. I don’t know if I’ll ever date a man with a larger penis again, but if I do it cannot end the same way.

Are there any additional recommendations you could share to help me be more successfully accommodating? I appreciate all of you who read this post and respond.