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The truth is I’m...
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ashamed.. I wish I wasn’t so kinky and my fantasies were more tame

I wish I didn’t have such intense desires

I wish I could feel “like myself” without having to be sexual

Why do I have the most hardcore interests known to man? Why do I have to be drawn to taboo, even violent, experiences?

At the same time, I’m now at a place where I’m longing for a relationship. I feel like these 2 sides of myself are at odds.

I’m ashamed that I’m ashamed. The last guy I tried to date told me he was intimidated by my sexuality. After him I tried to have a casual hook up and that guy said, “I can’t do this, I’m starting to have feelings.” He said he doesn’t see me as a plaything.

So now what? The guys I’m emotionally into are intimidated by my desires. The guys I just wanna fuck think my heart is “too big” and I “deserve better.”

I really really wish I didn’t have this massive yearning to be used and feel desperate.

When I am submissive and engaged is masochist activities, I feel like myself. I feel alive and aligned. But I don’t want to play with just anyone.

I love my kinky side and sometimes I wish I didn’t have her.

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1 month ago