I’ll be bold…i feel like a sellout. I’m a non-EU SHO who was highly encouraged by family to pursue medicine eversince i could talk. Parents were amazing to send me abroad and funded my med school fees (fucking non EU fees which the university used to build brand new student apartments). Huge family pressures, every phone call - “when are you getting into a scheme/ completing your MRCP?” My parents have nieces/nephews and families in medicine back home hence they know of the training pathways/professional exams but aren’t medics themselves.

After intern year, i tried getting onto the GIM BST but couldn’t get in (likely my non EU status played a part and that i was the bottom of the barrel).

I did contract SHO jobs in a HSE hospital then moved into a private hospital as a medical SHO, which is basically doing shift on call work.

Most NCHDs i’ve met at the private hospital are either there after they’ve done their bsts and want to focus on their families, or stayed there long enough to not want to pursue BST/HST - and do the job there long term for money and the flexibility.

One of my closest NCHD friends did her aesthetic training and is leaving hospital medicine. One of my other NCHD friends is going into medical devices.

I feel really lost and disillusioned. I feel like a sellout for not being on a training scheme or working for the HSE and helping the public system. The private hospitals aren’t honestly any better in terms of care tbh, you get investigations quicker but consultants don’t give much more attention/care to their patients and money talks. I’ve had so many private patients coming in just for IV abx for UTI just because the consultant said so OR we have a spare bed on the ward so our ED says ah lets just admit OR admissions for seemingly well patients who are friends/family friends of consultant admitted for investigations for some longstanding issue they had over really sick patients transferred over to a public hospital for urgent care but they dont have a bed. Not to mention our management cuts ward staff levels down to a skeleton crew but expects the same standard of care.

My reason for medicine was family. I got more interested in providing better care for patients as i started actually working. I stay at my private hospital with no potential to forward a medical career with this experience because of money. I cant quit and go home because my parents would disown me (they already had 2 other children who gave up medicine, my siblings). I’ve very little drive to returj to a HSE hospital or starting a training scheme (if i even get on one) or professional exams. I feel screwed

I am immensely blessed my parents could support my tertiary education. I feel immense guilt for not being better as a child, a fellow NCHD and i feel like if i’ve little drive, i shouldn’t be taking other people’s opportunities but at the same time, i can’t quit.