A synchronicity about a month ago got me to start reading Carl Jung's book Aion. I haven't finished it, but it's all about the self and integration of the shadow self. I agree with everything I've read so far, but the language used is not at my ready vernacular, so I lack the tools to talk about it in the same manner as Jung. However, since I was in middle school I've seen my soul as this ball of energy that fragments and crystallizes through trauma. The act of healing, or reintegration, requires a warming of the core soul and the pieces being focused on in shadow work. This means you have to simultaneously attempt to be the good and bad version of yourself at the same time to effectively rewire them together in the brain.

This is very much what the CIA had me do with my sex cult performance art. As you can guess by my tip toeing into the dark and macabre in a second, in a time when I have already healed, that I was very disturbed prior to my healing. Rage was often a major part of my consciousness, and it made me think of things like getting vengeance on someone by cutting their face off and wearing it while raping their entire family. That ish has no place in society except in art, so they started me by making me believe my mission was to be an undercover cop and create honeypots online. In those safe, remote and isolated parts of the internet, they had me play a variety of characters, each more deranged and demented than the last. This allowed me to turn raw, uncollapsed thoughts into concrete terms, giving me the ability to perceive myself more accurately.

After I had gotten proficient at actualizing those parts of my repressed psyche, they had me do some sociopathic performance art, such as soliciting a homeless man to rent out his dog by the half-hour to my sex cult completely dead pan. This was in conjunction to trying to be a paragon of virtue by day that was loved by everyone. So, in the aftermath of that previous example, which got me run out of Eugene, Oregon by a mob of armed homeless folk, I was left having to reflect on all that I was as I walked/jogged to the next town over. That was incredibly empowering as I got to see how strong I was, and processed a lot of lingering, suppressed emotions, which I could immediately tell the next day had done something to my psyche that we can now say was integration.

See, an experience like that activates a heightened sense of being. The stakes are higher, so your brain pays extra close attention to what's going on and weighs the ensuing memories as heavier, dislodging old memories. This awakening of dormant parts of the psyche warms them as I said, and with the core self being warmed through its own set of spiritual work, unites them into a more functional whole. Where before I could only see my shadow self as being useful to play a bad guy and catch actual bad guys, I see value in it now to do good helping people feel alright about being divergent, and impact the culture safely so that the masses are more accustomed to things of a darker nature, and will thus be more accepting of someone who is still struggling with their inner demons. I'm in complete control of the most deranged lunatic in existence, as he no longer is chained to me, he is me, but I am so much more than him. I can emanate light across all spectrums now, feeding the garden what it needs and when.