Hello Mr. Peterson and JP fans,

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You often mention your appreciation of "life is suffering" as the Bhudda taught... I have a funny story to share about that. I do happen to know a man who is completely fearless, and who is almost always happy. You could put him in a cage with a lion, or you could kill his loved ones. He would not react with fear at all, and for the death of his loved ones he might feel a sense of loss but he would be happy to have known them and would increase his love for life and others and others in their honour. Such is the man I know. He accepts the world completely and happily with no bitter resentment.

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Of course I have asked him a billion questions and in so doing I have mostly dropped virtually all of my negative thinking, chatter from my superego, comparing myself to others and almost all forms of neuroses. I once had a powerful depression that seemed permanent, all encompassing. I beat it over 7 years without medication, just through reflection and incremental improvements.

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I overcame a lot, and the process of this has given me such robustness and clarity of mind that I feel like a bhoddisatva of sorts. I feel I am on the path to enlightenment. I can see the demons of people, I know where they are in their journeys.

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Now here is my questoin, a situation powerful enough to even throw me off balance after my many years of carefully cultivated spiritual wholeness:

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I met a girl. She embodied everything lovely that I had always wanted but never got in my younger years. Here she was... I should have embraced her as my enlightened self, but I decided to enter a romance with her, to bring back to live stories of my past, of my pains and of my hurt and try to salve the ego. You see I never had a chance to indulge it. I grew up and kicked my ego to the curb understanding that as an ethnic young man no one was gonna give a fuck.

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This was a chance for me to finally salve my ego (or so I must've decided subconscioulsy). So I asked her to lean on me as much as she needed, I enjoyed being the protector. I also started requiring complete exclusivity of her (no other male energies allowed). This whole approach was perhaps the down turn of what was to come.

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The girl had her own neuroses, deep set. She was hesitant to lean on me at first and enter into Love with a capital "L". But because I led it that way she finally gave in, warning me that she was "very high maintenance emotionally". I thought "how bad could it be?" I dove into it too. She went from being careful not to share too much, not wanting to stay over every night, paying her own way, to starting to accept me paying here and there, accepting ride from me rather than taking the bus etc. This continued but it became more comfortable and taken for granted and ultimately she began to NEED and depend on me and finally, she began to EXPECT those things from me.

Now, even this would have been ok if she was just appreciative of it. But it got to the point where her inner dialogues of insufficiency, OCD neuroses and inadequacy arose more and more to the surface level. I started to walk on egg shells. I couldn't offer solutions or it would be considered an afront to her, me always tring to "fix things". I couldn't leave if she had fit cause that was insensitive too. The toxicity started to spill over. A few times I tried to forcefully retake the lead and bring some order back to the dynamic but she would not follow.

Her chaos made me want to see her less, and suddenly made her leaning on me from something I enjoyed supporting to a burden. I began to loathe to meet her. She began to loathe that I could not lead, that I could not "fix this" magically as is "the mans job to do" in her view. Suddenly there was no energy of giving of gifting our energy to each other, it was now on my side an energy of self preservation, and on her side of doubt and of demanding more.

Still we had enough warm and wonderful meetings every weekend to help this persist. It became a 50/50 mix, and even on the good meetings the memory of the last feud was still fresh and there was always a sense of disease, that conflict could erupt at some small offence... Yet surprisingly when we were physically intimate, all of that was gone and the roles were clear.

Finally the straw that broke the camels back was when her neuroses reached a height in which she got mad at small things, demanded I show up in this or that fashion, and when I wanted space, she threatened to destroy my business or my reptutation. Hearing that vengence in her voice, I felt a demon had possessed her. It was too much for me and I felt, since despite my best efforts she is not seeing any sense. And she claimes to be aiming up yet her anxiety, her debilitating OCD (where she had to throw out anything on the slightest wrong touch) and depression are rampant and she refuses to take money from her father (who she hates) to fund her therapy sessions, so she doesnt get therapy... I can't see that she wants to change bad enough.

If she is not aiming up, and my words are not coming through, and it's leading to this vengeful state which has me literally fearing for my safety. Then I saw that there is no long term prospect for this, and the longer I stay the harder it will be to break up. It was hard because I loved her so much, so dearly. It was a 2.5 year relationship, the first year and a hald was paradise on earth, and the last year it devolved, shock after shock at how boundaries which we thougth would never be crossed began being crossed. And my best efforts at every step to save it, completely failing.

So I left her, cold turkey. Called her out on a movie night. On the way she texted something cold and mean about something small I said, and that was it, I knew I couldn't delay it any further. Met her there and said it's over and we can't continue, she must've thought it must be another one of his 'meaningless words' as she used to say. She got mad and stormed off. I wished she could have been graceful atleast at the end but no. I left ignored her 500 missed calls over the next 10 days, her hundreds of messages on IG. It took 2 months for her attempts to reconnect to fade. It was like strangling my own child slowly to death.

To see her beg for forgiveness, for her saying she wanted things to go back to how they used to be, to communicate with her, to find a way, to work it out. These followed by viscious rebukes of how I could be so heartless and what a coward and bastard I was for doing this to her. I ignored it all... 2 months later, the rebukes stopped only meek, meager faint messages of "please don't abandon me" "im scared tonight" "I need you, please"... Still I ignored it completely. It was very painful, because I loved her, she was once in a lifetime kinda girl, so soft, so in admiration of my characther and it got corrupted over time to something incurable. This is not what I wanted to happen.

I thought a lot about, should I reconnect or not. How could I possibly know how to handle this? And is she is not really aiming up what can I really do to help her? Today i got a call from private number and I picked up. All I heard was "... it's me.... please...." I could hear the pain in her voice, like she was suicidal. My heart rate went up. It had taken everything to cut her off, like cutting off my own gangrenous arm to save my body. And her she was again, my beloved, writing in pain, needing me reaching out. I had promised to her when we first met that as long as she reached out I would reach back. But I had tried it all before the straw that broke the camels back... so I listened to her sobbing and after 5 seconds hung up.

She may well kill herself, she is severaly neurotic. Intense anxiety, depression and OCD. She loathes her family, and they don't treat her well. She has no friends whatsoever, a menial job that I'm not even sure she's kept after I broke up with her. The best outcome would be if she doesn't commit suicide. Whether she will ever process this 'abandonment' I can't say. I have killed my beloved.

I just want to know what would you do? When can you walk away, when should or shouldn't you walk away?