My fiancé and I went hiking in Yellowstone as a final adventure together before officially being a married couple. We had hiked about 12 miles inward from the northeast corner of the park. The weather had been beautiful. Not a cloud in the sky. The views were beautiful. We had not even seen a sign of another human in 3 days. We saw a ton of wildlife. Moose, elk, bison, coyote, fox, mule deer, antelope, bald eagles...a true feeling of Americana. I know youre asking about bear at this point. No bear sightings at all. Just a few old tracks in a creek bed and a small scat that was so old and dry it was turning to dust. So on the fourth night I surprised my soon to be wife with 2 bottles of wine I had stowed away in my ruck. We were a little dehydrated so a bottle of wine each got us pretty tipsy. We made love under the stars and did some kinky stuff that made me realize I had def found the right woman. Finally after some star grazing we crawled or almost slithered into the tent to pass out. Im not sure how much time had passed but I woke up to my girl wanting round two. I really must have unleashed her freak earlier. She just has her face buried in between my cheeks licking my ass in a way I thought only professional porn stars could do. Her tongue was literally penetrating me. I must have not gotten all the whip cream and chocolate off from our kinky sex earlier lol. I was moaning like a bitch. I opened my eyes and was staring into me fiances eyes with a look of pure fear. I told her it was ok, she could do whatever she wanted if it made her happy. But at that moment looking into her eyes. I realized...if Im looking into her eyes then what is attached to the tongue in my ass. I sheepishly glanced over my should to find a 300-400lb grizzly licking my anus. I dared not move. We were both frozen in fear. For about 5 more minutes the bear voraciously licked my anus. I was raw. Soon the bear would taste blood. Then it would realize my ass was a honey baked ham not just a sugar coated mushroom. I decided my only chance was to fart in the bears mouth and hopefully scare it off. I was straining as hard as I could. But I had been eating MREs all week and I love me some jalapeno squeeze cheese. I was backed up but I felt some movement. I knew it was now or never. If I didnt strain 100% Id remain constipated and the bear would sense my movement or get the taste of blood at any lick. So I went for it. With a mighty roar I gave it my all. And at moment the dam broke. I heard the sonic boom of the approximately 2 feet of wine infused, jalapeno cheese, putrid, steamy excrement that exploded from me. The stream flew true. Visualize this...as the bear had been licking my taint its nostrils were deep in my rectum. My fiery feces had shot up both nostrils, down the sides of the snout, directly between the eyes, and into its mouth. Time froze. The grizzly had jumped back too feet into a 4 point stance. We were completely vunerable. Not a single breath was breathed. I could hear my heart beat pounding in my ears as hard as that grizzly had been tongue pounding my anus. Then the bear inhaled and that was its mistake. As the aroma of my putrid, fecal matter permeated the nostrils of that beast it knew it had been bested. With almost a scream the bear spun in disgust and disappeared into the darkness. We secured the tent and spent the rest of the night in fetal positions around the fire. I told my fiancé that I never wanted to speak of this again. She agreed it would be a secret we took to our graves. BUT not 24 hours later this bitch asks me why I didnt ask the bear to stop? WTF? Then she asks me if I liked it! I told her to shut her fucking mouth. She said as a human I was in a position of authority and actually sexually trafficked this wild bear! Are you fucking serious? She was! So now I gotta ask...I mean yea, it felt good, but Im the victim. I didnt ask for that. I didnt leave the chocolate and whip cream on my taint on purpose. That bear sexually assaulted me and got what it deserved. So my fiancé and I have agreed to majority rule on whomever you all vote is the victim. The bear or me. And I gotta ask am I the asshole for wanting to call off the wedding? This bitch is crazy. But anyways thats when I was attacked by a grizzly in Yellowstone. The end.