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I mostly am affiliated with Conservative Judaism as that is the movement I converted through, but my own perspectives on God/halacha are more closely aligned with Reform/Renewal. In other words, I think we do connect to the Divine/Hashem/etc. through the mitzvot, but I don't think (based on spiritual experiences and academic studies) that God necessarily thinks of the mitzvot as Orthodoxy/Haredim does.
However, sometimes when I do something like driving or hiking on Shabbat I feel guilty, or if I don't do all of the morning prayers I feel guilty. I also, still struggle with feeling "less Jewish" than those who converted via Orthodoxy or are Orthodox, despite internally not agreeing with that more traditional/fundamentalist approach.
Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you approach it? (Open to perspectives from all denominations and people)
I’m not sure intensely is the right word. Literally , maybe, but there are also some things that I do take literally. Hmm. Anyway, I do what I can and I see it as a victory to be able to stay Jewish in largely non-Jewish surroundings. It’s not expected of me, and it would be easier to just give in to being like everyone else. Yet here I still am.
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