Notes on my first solo Passover Seder, from a secular Jew who returned to Europe as a citizen by dint of Nazi persecution:

1. Why don’t I eat horseradish on matzoh and charoset all the time? I made my charoset out of apple, walnut, cinnamon and Moravian wine from Chateau Valtice.

2. Miriam! They never talk enough about Miriam. She’s the kick-ass Jewess who saved baby Moses, parted the Red Sea, and took ZERO credit for it. Plus she survived leprosy. G-d bless Miriam. I love her.

3. Drinking 4 glasses (plus Elijah’s - fuck him for not coming to my party) of wine on a Monday night after not sleeping and working my ass off all day… let’s just say it is not conducive to mandatory in-office staff meeting on Tuesday morning. But hey, it’s their calendar, not ours; we just have to live by it.

4. My Kiddush cup is a “More Barn!” mug from my goyish Rustie brother, Brad R Brandeau. It symbolizes all of the Jews who love and celebrate the music of Neil Young.

5. I should wash my hands before and during every meal. So should you.

6. Hiding the afikomen from yourself can be fun. Be creative and have a laugh! (The afikomen is a piece broken off the middle matzoh - the youngest are supposed to look for it.)

7. Being the oldest and the youngest person present on Passover means you get to ask some very serious questions and then make up the answers for yourself. I hope to have better answers for that little smartass next year!

8. Songs: the best part of Passover (after the wine and matzoh with horseradish and charoset) is the singing! I don’t really know the lyrics for the ‘Dayenu’ song and refuse to play YouTube Karaoke. I sang the following songs while playing my guitar:

Quite Early Morning by Pete Seeger “Don't you know it's darkest before the dawn This thought keeps me moving on If we could heed these early warnings The time is now quite early morning”

Brokedown Palace by the Grateful Dead “River gonna take me Sing me sweet and sleepy Sing me sweet and sleepy All the way back back home It's a far gone lullaby Sung many years ago Mama, mama, many worlds I've come Since I first left home”

Corner Stone by Bob Marley (The closest I could come to singing Psalm 118.) “The stone that the builder refused Will always be the head cornerstone. You’re a builder, baby. Here I am, a stone. Don’t you pick and refuse me. The things people refuse, Are they things they should choose. Do you hear me? Hear what I say. The stone that the builder refused Will always be the head cornerstone.”

Next year in Jerusalem! Shalom to everyone I know and love, plus the rest of ya!