American born Jamaican here. For those out there that have either moved to the States or were born here to Jamaican parents (both parents, it matters in my opinion), do you feel some kind of way when people look at you as an African American?

I find that because I am black, that people automatically assume that I am the American flavor of black. Now while I do identify as black, as I do all of the African diaspora, it seems that Americans see black as strictly African American. If they see a black person that looks any bit of African, then that's what they are to them, African. Beyond that, there's little to no distinction.

What bothers me is that because I was born here, I have next to no outwardly defining things about myself that screams Jamaican. What's more is that my parents worked their asses off to provide myself and my sister a relatively affluent upbringing, we were raised in a small, rural, predominantly white, well to do community in the Midwest. So we speak, as some would say, like those who we were brought up around. We do joke that no matter what anyone says, our home and inside our property line WAS JAMAICA lol. From the food at the table, to the teachings and lessons our parents gave us, their emphasis on education, the music, everything.

I am so grateful for what they did for us, but in my adult life, I can't help but feel like an outsider. My favorite time of year was the first weekend in August when we'd take our drive to Toronto for Caribana weekend as I knew it was time that I'd get to spend with my cousins. They had it NICE I always thought. Growing up in such a diverse community with other Jamaicans. Older, younger, next door, across town, market down the street that sold all our favorite goodies (walk down the street for a fresh patty, hardo bread, and ginger beer?! Into the kitchen to help myself to ackee and saltfish and fried dumpling from morning?? Yes please, thank you very much!)...I truly felt at home and comfortable in my own skin when I was there. Free to be me and share our similar experiences. Even to mingle in other Caribbean circles where we fit in. No looks from the other locals of any color because of the diversity there, we were just able to exist.

So I must circle back to how I felt when I came back home. OUT OF PLACE. To the African American folks here, I'm not "black enough" and to the white folks, I'm still black. As soon as I open my mouth to a black American, they get a puzzled look on their face and usually any more digging confirms my "otherness". With the whites, or any other race here really, I get the puzzled look when I refute the (small minded and racist) things that they assume about me, that I must like rap music (I do in small amounts), or that I can play basketball (I can't), or that I must know these culturally (American) black things. It's particularly annoying with women who seem to fetishize African American men that assume I am African American, and then don't want to get to know me or probe in a way that's generally disrespectful. I could write a book on that shit...

I say all that to say this, I suppose to the internet and anyone who may listen, culturally, I am not American. Is Jamaica my home? Maybe, but I'd probably eaten alive. I've been quite a few times and with my longest stay for a month in Kingston with family I barely knew, my older cousin fucked with me so bad, I assume because of my privilege of being...an American. The irony. The martial arts school that my parents paid for me to go to while I was there, pfft! "YO AMERICA!" I was the "example" for every fucking new move or exercise. But I digress, is it wrong to feel that I want my own acceptance in my own land, but not that of another completely different culture simply because I look like them? I don't need a pat on the back for being Jamaican, but to be different and to feel different, yet to still be looked down on feels wrong. Or should I just have gotten the picture by now? I can only imagine it's the same for Latinos or Europeans here, like "hey I'm not Mexican or white American" but they're treated differently too. Not the same, but definitely different.

In any case, if you have any questions or need any clarifications, ask away. I'd love to dig into this deeper.

tldr: Americans assume that I'm African American and it's usually offensive. I hate it for reasons that may or may not also be offensive lol.