So I recently failed a professional certification exam I had. This was upsetting but its ok, I can take it again, not really a big deal. So my JNM, who ive been trying to repair relations with, ordered me the study book I was looking for at my request and it came in today. I found out when it got here, however that I already had the book and that I had mistaken it for a textbook I had about the same material. This prompted JNM to get angry because I had "wasted her money". I calmed her down and said its ok and that we can just return it for a refund. But she continued on about how If i didnt know that I already had the guide then I CLEARLY didnt care or prepare for the test enough. I said to wait a minute and to let me explain how the mixup happened, because it IS my fault. But she didnt want to hear it.

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Maybe this fight is my fault because my temper is so bad with her but that immediately set me off. I told her that I didnt read the other book because I thought it was an identical copy of the TEXTBOOK I already had, which I DID re-read in preparation. I also said that since all of my work is on call, I havent had much time to study among the 80 hour weeks I worked prior to the test, and that I didnt want to hear her opinion on me failing. I also told her she has no right to pass judgement on me about how im working in a field she doesnt have the slightest inkling of knowledge about. I work in welding inspection and spend all of my time climbling around inside boilers and power plants, in the middle of the night no matter the weather or time of day. She works a hard job too, but its in an office, as one of the higher ups and I told her that she has no IDEA about my job just like I have no idea about hers so how can she blame me for failing a test when she has no idea WHAT I did to try to prepare. But she said that its my job to be prepared and that I had been doing a lot of music when I could have been studying, like I want to come home after working 36 hours of on call work, sweaty and filthy from all the industrial places i crawl around and sit down to read 10 chapters just to go back to work 8 hours later.

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I understand that its my fault I failed. I was underprepared. But most of that is the fact that I dont have the energy to be in a gametime mindset all the time. I do the music to get away from the stress of doing my work and its really frustrating throughout my whole life that i have had to fight to have a life outside of what i HAVE to do. I understand my mom is a workaholic but thats not me and she has no right to judge my life when she has nothing to do with it anymore. I understand that im 21 and she still feels the need to guide me but im not a drug addict, im not homeless and by all means im doing perfectly fine in my career. I live alone, pay my bills, have my own savngs. I have no financial ties to my family, i RARELY ask for any assistance because 99 percent of the time I AM A COMPETENT PERSON THAT KNOWS WHAT IM DOING. I never pretend to be some know-it-all 21 year old, as so many older folks would like to paint me. But the point of living life is learning. Im not perfect but im not fucking up either. And as soon as i confronted JNM with all of this, as usual, she was done talking and "had to go".

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Im so sick of her saying at one time "how proud she is of me" and "how well im doing" and then turning around and talking down to me. It would be one thing if she was giving me actual advice, but this petty "oh well you got a lot of music done instead of studying and wasted your time" bullshit ISNT FUCKING ADVICE. And she KNOWS how much the music means to me because I call and update her excitedly about it. So thats just twisting the knife she knows hurts most.

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Regardless I want things to get better, but if you look through my post history on this sub you can see that I dont let her get away with this stuff. I just wish, for all the authority she tries to talk down to me with, that JUST ONE TIME she would have out the argument. But like the title says, they never want to talk so im just left here. And the worst part is that something inside me wont let me give up. Im not falling for the trap, I know what bullshit she is doing but at the end of the day I cant shake the idea that thats my mom and there has to be some way to get the respect I deserve while having a good relationship. Any advice is appreciated, and any other takes on this situation are also appreciated. Feel free to comment if you have questions because i know this post might not flow well. I was just brain dumping the story.