Ok so i posted a while ago about how im trying to reconcile with my mother. I didnt go into much detail because it wasnt super relevant and still isnt but the point was that im giving her a hesitant chance and so far its going well. Being that i just moved into a new city and just starting a new job i thought i was more financially secure than i actually was, i ended up needing some extra help. So i figured that rather than stress i would ask my mom and see how she handled the situation.

So i asked to borrow about 1200$ with the caveat that i WILL pay it back (she used to lend me money/buy me things in high school and then leverage them against me so i take paying things back very seriously) Today i paid her back and she tried to convince me that it wasnt necessary and i decided that i was going to tell her why i insisted. I said " i do not want any outstanding debts to you because you have used it against me before." To this she responded that "it was a gift and not something i expected you to pay back, its an act of good will." I responded that "yes its good will now, but when we are in any kind of future fight how do i know that it wont be held above my head? Im insisting on this and you can let it sit if you want but i no longer owe you regardless."

I expected this to end poorly for me but i was calling her bluff to see if she was being genuine or if this was part of a front. She actually reluctantly took the money and even said she understood! Things are looking up as i see this as a big step for us. It shows at least partial acceptance of the outcome of her raising me and shows a sliver of her choosing me over the power that money would hold. I wanted to explode and tell her how happy i was but the stoic grey rocking has to continue for now. I wont tell her but im proud and happy that maybe, just maybe, im getting through and there is a chance.