Good afternoon all. I'm a new user but I read the stories. I'm on mobile so please forgive me. Also it's a long story.

My (51f) and my SO (55m) have been married for 20 years. During these years he has been emotionally abusive. When I would get to a place where I could leave he would sabotage me, for ex let his car get repossessed so he would have to use mine then I would sit for up to 8 hours because he felt his job was more important.

In 2016 my SO had a stroke, a hemorrhagic stroke, which is the bleeding type. I took him to the ER because I knew something wasn't quite right. I text my MIL the first thing she said was "what did you do to him?". I started questioning my actions, did I cause his stroke? Did I cause the stress? I was in school for an intensive program, would go to school drive 2 hours from school straight to the hospital. I fought with Dr's when he got a nosocomial infection. I retrained his bladder and bowels. The whole time his family was harassing me, threatening me.

I applied for and got him SSI, took him to Dr's appointments, sorted his medications and started therapy for myself because I was carrying a ton of guilt. All the while MIL is yelling at me to get a job because I needed help with his medicine( he didn't get SSI right away or medicaid) I dropped out of school, it was too much, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was neglecting my health. I was on a downward spiral....couldn't sleep, couldn't stop eating, couldn't control my anger or crying. The berating happened so often I blocked her

Fast forward to 2019 I decided to do something for me. I applied and became a flight attendant. I have found a peace in the sky I never imagined I would. Now there's a new type of manipulation coming from MIL. Ex text "hi how are you doing? Does SO have life insurance? You can get some from global life for 9.99", "does SO need therapy?", "SO needs a care giver so he can enjoy life again", "you need to encourage SO more", "why doesn't SO take a shower?" y'all I don't know how much more I can take. I do everything. Land from a trip drive an hour home, throw my uniform in the washer, cut the grass, cook dinner, shower try to sleep, get up feed my cats, do food prep for my next trip, go to the grocery store,pack, and sort his medications. This man will go to the store with me have money in his wallet and slide his stuff on the conveyor belt then go to the store buy himself something and not get me a thing.

Today I text her to get support as he isn't taking his medication, the very thing that keeps him alive. I get guilted for not being home. "I was hopeing that you all could work it out maybe I will hath to find him a place here to live I dont want him to be alone and something happen to him and noone there". I broke down crying. I've neglected myself, my happiness to take care of her son. After I calmed sown I sent this response------ "You're not holding him accountable for his actions/inaction. I will never forget your response when I told you about his stroke "what did you do to him?" That's what you said to me. I started to blame myself question if I had really done something wrong. I have taken him to all of his Dr's appointments fought to get his social security sort his meds I have and still do EVERYTHING to help him survive it's still not enough. You and your family will always blame me and add more to my list... when he did this to himself. I hope you have a wonderful day" ------

I'm at a loss

I'm sorry this doesn't make sense

Edit: I'm so overwhelmed by the support and kind words. I needed the brutal honesty and support to get motivated to put me first. I'm trying to read and respond to all of your comments. You guys are really the best