My mom is a JNMIL. And, somehow, I'm just really figuring it out. The thing is, when she's good, she's really really good. She helped me with everything when I gave birth while DH was deployed. She's cleaned our whole house and washed all of our clothes and stocked our freezer. At the time I felt so so lucky. But I think I have given her too much access and leeway and things have slowly become problematic.

Maybe cleaning our whole house was problematic on some level. She didn't ask. But, who doesn't want that? It's helpful, right?

She got my kid's hair cut today. It's not the first haircut or anything, and it was long, but AGAIN, she didn't ask. It was just assumed that she had the right. And she went to a bad salon with bad reviews and he has a terrible bowl cut.

I have witnessed her spanking my two year old. Not hard. But we don't spank. I brought it up, and she said that she doesn't have patience for "defiant behavior". THE CHILD IS TWO. NOT DEFIANT.

She makes me feel small when I try to correct her about my child. Like, I'm not allowed out of the daughter role. She gets this awful twisted face. I think it's embarrassment, but she wants it to com off as me being out of line. I'm sensitive though, so?

My husband is military and is having a hell of a time with it. His job is objectively terrible and he is treated terribly. He has missed so much. I can't talk about our future with my mom without her telling me that I need to "make" him stay until retirement.

She is... Very religious. My DH and I are not. She will not stop with baptism and church talk. She keeps gifting us nativity sets and children's Bible's. She started preaching to our friends (and their kids!) at a very casual dinner get together. I'm desensitized because I grew up in church and in a Christian School. I almost just drone it out, but it makes my husband super uncomfortable. I am okay with people believing what they need to, but I have a lot of anger and resentment about the extent to which religion was forced into me.

She has managed to do all of this living 10 hours away. Because she comes to the rescue when DH is deployed. And really, I can't survive without the help. I have two kids (2.5 & 1), I'm in school full-time, and I'm working PT.

She's kind of a social media queen though. She will post any and everything on FB. She posted first birthday pics and Thanksgiving pics before I could get them to my husband on deployment. She posted about a minor surgery that my son was having with a very sick post surgery picture for "thoughts and prayers" aka attention. I've tried to bring it up multiple times, but she feels entitled.

So I'm lost and hurting. Because setting boundaries after giving too much freedom is really really tough.

I'm also a broken person. I'm very depressed and I'm at least emotionally possessive of my kids. I don't like other people (even family) referring to them as "theirs". I don't like MY MIL either (she told me "I ruined her experience of becoming a grandmother" while I was depressed immediately following the very premature birth of my first) and I'm liable to hold a grudge too long. I have some just no feelings sometimes myself.

So... Thoughts? (If you made it this far)