LTLFTP and all that jazz! On mobile so there’s that also! NAW cause I have 30 years of handling PG and I’ve got her figured out by now.

So my D(sometimes damn sometimes dear) daughter (u/vekeso) got married this past weekend.

She wanted all of her grandparents present for the event. In order for her paternal grandma (PG no name cause I say so) to be there we had to fly her in the weekend before the wedding and fly her out the weekend after the wedding. There is a loooooong history of PG being a JNMIL to me 30 years to be exact. PG has developed many medical issues over the years due to poor health choices on her part that prevent her from being able to fly anything but direct flights from her home city to our home city. There is only one airline that provides this service between our 2 cities and it is only only Saturdays that it happens. That means 2 weeks of PG in my sanctuary. To further set the stage for all of you. My DH of 30 years has not even the tiniest atom of patience for PG (lots of history that is not mine to share). Before her arrival my BIL who is PG’s primary caretaker filled me in on all of her newest quirks. Like pissing and shitting herself without any care for herself or those around her. PG’s quote”My diaper will take care of it”.

Day 1 Arrival I get her from the airport. I had arranged for wheelchair service for her to make it harder for her to wander off. BIL kept her walker with him and I had one with me for her to use while visiting us. We (BIL, DH, and myself) felt that would keep her from just wandering off in the airport and missing her flight. My reward was a throughly soaked with urine PG in my Beautiful Bonnie Blue’s (as I refer to my truck) seats. I was prepared with plastic bags and towels to cover said seats. I was not prepared for the smell. I had to ride with all the windows down. I have long curly hair that tangles with the slightest puff of air. (U/vekeso owes me a scalp massage at the salon for this.) PG argued for over and hour with me about the need for a shower upon our arrival at my sanctuary. In the end the shower was taken. After PG’s shower she comes out to the living area of my sanctuary in a white paper thin shirt without a bra so her boobs hung down to the bottom hem of the shirt. Y’all if PG had slightly lifted her arms those knockers would have been hanging out. I told her to tuck them in her waistband or put her bra back on until she went to bed. PG informed me “I didn’t bring any pajamas cause I don’t bother with them at home”. (U/veseko owes me a new pair of comfy pjs.) I gave PG my favorite oversized pjs because at the moment they were all I had that would fit her with the added bonus of covering those 2 foot long dehydrated milk jugs.

Day 2 Shopping for a wedding outfit. I had informed PG before her arrival that I would take her shopping for an outfit for the wedding. I could not trust that she would not wear white to the wedding. I had taken my mother shopping the prior weekend and had done some scouting for appropriate outfits. I.E. not the circus tent she wore to my wedding. Due to PG’s poor bladder and bowel control the trip needed to be as quick as possible. It took 2 hours to prod her into getting ready and into my truck. After getting PG loaded and buckled into the vehicle, I moved PG’s purse to place the walker in the back seat. Water starts pouring out of PG’s purse. I look into it and see the cup full of water that I had given PG to drink with her breakfast. Now just so you know I never go anywhere without a container of water to drink. I had brought two large bottles of Core water for PG and myself. PG knew I was bringing these. When I asked why the cup was in her purse PG’s answer was “I thought that you would not let me bring a drink so I put it in there”. Everything was completely soaked with anything that was paper being a total loss. The extra diapers that I insisted she bring barely absorbed a few drops. I took her PG’s purse in and cleaned up the contents as best as I could. There was no way after all the trouble it took to get PG into the truck that I was letting PG out to handle it. Since the purse was leather it was going to take a while to dry. I just grabbed one of mine to load up what PG would need for the shopping trip. (Now I am an admitted purse whore. No cheap purses for me. I pay good money and take care of what I own. This is important to know.)

We get to the stores and PG decides to take over 40 minutes just to undress to try on the first outfit. So in the interest of speeding the process along I give PG no option but for me to go in the dressing room with her and help her into and out of the outfits. (U/vekeso owes me wine to forget this) We do not find anything that fits well at the first store. We go to the second store. After searching top to bottom and front to back we find a few outfits to try. More assistance was needed to speed the process. Yay we found the perfect one, age appropriate and the color worked well with her pale pallor.

Not wanting and nasty accidents in my beloved truck I send her to the restroom for a diaper change before we leave. I don’t know what happened in the restroom that was too much for me to handle at that point. I just know it took over 30 minutes with other customers quickly leaving the restroom muttering as they left. I get PG loaded back into my truck and drive back to my sanctuary as quickly and safely as possible.

Now remember my purse? Well when we arrived home I got her in and went back out to get the things that were purchased on the shopping trip. While I was doing this my DH arrived home from his morning of work to get ready for his evening out at the local car races. In his rush between the two he left his lunch bag on the counter. In my sanctuary I designed my kitchen with lots of storage. I do not like clutter on the counters. We have enough space in said storage to have a bread drawer. In this bread drawer we keep hubby’s lunch bag it makes sense to us. When I opened the drawer to put away the lunch bag there was my purse that I had loaned PG to use. I asked PG “In what universe does a purse belong in a bread drawer?” PG stated “The purse reminded me of a lunch bag so I put it there.” My poor purse was not the same after she used it for the day. (U/vekeso owes me a purse cleaning)

Next I will tell you about her hiding trash in my cabinets to keep me from throwing it away. Also she let a random stranger into my sanctuary because she thought he was our cable guy.